"A Man I Don't Know Has Been Taking My Trash Out Every Single Day" | ClancyPasta PRESENTS

[00:00:00] This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro Plans.

[00:00:30] Traditional home security only alerts you after a break-in, and that's too late. SimpliSafe is changing that. Stop. This is SimpliSafe. Police are on the way. We don't just alert. We stop crime before it starts. SimpliSafe. Plan starting around a dollar a day. Save 50% on your new system with professional monitoring at SimpliSafe.com slash Spotify or with promo code Spotify. Outdoor deterrence requires a SimpliSafe Active Guard outdoor protection plan starting at $49.99 a month. Visit SimpliSafe.com slash licenses for alarm license information. Tennessee 2012.

[00:01:00] ClancyPasta presents. A weird figure looks at me at sundown. By WarioGuy. And you're listening to ClancyPasta.

[00:01:19] I'm going to die with regrets. I know that much. When I was a teen, I thought that I would be a star. That I would live in Beverly Hills or even Hawaii. I would have been disappointed to see myself end up living in bumfuck nowhere in Oklahoma. It's not that I didn't do enough in my life, of course. I've been all over the continent. I've tried a billion things.

[00:01:48] I was an electrician, soldier, and sailor all within the span of five years. I was a jack of all trades, master if not. The only reason I live on this ranch is because of old money. My father passed away when I was 54 and I didn't really have anywhere else to live.

[00:02:12] My fiancé had just broken up with me and I was failing to meet rent, so I moved out. The house is nice. Isolated and boring, but nice enough. I lived here for about 15 years at this point, give or take. I've been doing odd jobs to get myself groceries.

[00:02:38] It's been tough due to my limp I got from a wound in the army, but I've been getting by. It's a quiet life. As I get older and my days get fewer, I find myself resenting this house. If I do die, it would take weeks for anyone to find me. Not like anyone would care, of course. I closed my book.

[00:03:08] It was some boring shit about hell being a farm. A waste of money. I looked out the window. It was like the long days I spent sailing to Mexico, where I would look outside and see nothing but sea. Except here. It was endless fields of grass.

[00:03:31] The sun was setting, and the yellow sunlight drenched the landscape, excluding one tiny spot. I squinted as hard as I could. It was still a little blurry. What is that? I thought. I quickly grabbed my long-distance glasses off a nearby counter.

[00:03:58] I put them on, but they were foggy and dusty. The spot looked about the same. I rubbed on the lenses as quickly as I could, but when I looked up, it was gone. It was all I could think about for the rest of the day. I found that weird. It could have been anything, really. It was most likely a stray buffalo that had wandered off its reservation.

[00:04:28] I'd only lived far from one, and it wouldn't be the first time. But why was I thinking about it so much? That night, it took me a minute to fall asleep. I tossed and turned a lot. So much to the point that I got a charley horse. I ultimately took some medicine to help me fall asleep. I was growing a sort of dependence on medicine to fall asleep.

[00:04:58] I must have started five or so years ago. I had already taken a pill for tonight, but I supposed that I was building a tolerance, and I would either have to up the dosage or take something more powerful. For now, I just up the dosage. At the same time the next day, I was dusting my porch.

[00:05:25] Convenient as I saw the weird blob again. I had my long-distance glasses on this time, so they got a better look at it. Its shadow was tall, even though the sun was considerably higher than it was. It was vaguely humanoid in shape, but not quite there.

[00:05:49] None of its features were discernible, but it was a lot larger than it was yesterday. I stepped forward, but tripped on a loose floorboard and stumbled. I caught myself on the railing, but just like yesterday, it was gone.

[00:06:15] I pried myself off of the railing, but my gray sweater for my days and the army got caught in it and began to unravel. I ripped it off and saw a tear had formed in the shoulder where it got caught. I wasn't the superstitious type, but I made a mental note to sleep with one eye open. Or buy some cameras the next time I went into town.

[00:06:45] I didn't feel tired at all that night. I hadn't been to the doctor much, but this insomnia of mine was getting much worse. I decided to take one pill again. My supply was running out and going into town is a pain. At about two o'clock, I decided that enough was enough and I took another. It still took another 30 minutes to fall asleep.

[00:07:25] It's a way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. In the U.S., there's a break in every 26 seconds. But when intruders step near, SimpliSafe Home Security steps up.

[00:07:53] Stop. This is SimpliSafe. Police are on the way. Using AI alerts, U.S.-based live agents help deter break-ins. SimpliSafe, no long-term contracts. Save 50% on your new system with professional monitoring at SimpliSafe.com slash Spotify or with promo code Spotify. Outdoor deterrence requires a SimpliSafe Active Guard outdoor protection plan starting at $49.99 a month. Visit SimpliSafe.com slash licenses for alarm license information. Tennessee 2012.

[00:08:20] On the third day since this figure's appearance, I decided to grab some binoculars to get a better look at it. I got to the porch at half-past five and waited. The house had seen some better days. Despite my dusting yesterday, the porch was incredibly grimy, the wood boards stained from who knows what. They constantly creaked and seemed like they were about to give way.

[00:08:49] Roaches occasionally joined my watching experience. At sundown, lo and behold, it was there. I used the binoculars. It was wearing glasses. It was much less blurry than before. Not completely clear, but I could see many of its features.

[00:09:18] Its color was a sort of grayish peach and it appeared much more human than before. Its gait was irregular, like it had hurt one of its legs. As I watched it, it took off its glasses and rubbed them on something. I realized it was getting bigger because it was much closer than it was yesterday.

[00:09:48] On the first day, it was about a half mile away. Now, it was a quarter mile. The next day, I went into town. I picked up two times the medication that I normally take to fall asleep. I told the doctor that the insomnia was worsening, but she attributed it to my age. I asked around about any bison or people

[00:10:18] who had wandered too far off from town or the reservation, but no one had been near my home. I purchased some cameras from a dying camera store. It struck me as odd when I saw no one in there because when I had first moved in, it was a thriving business. There was one other shopper and he was inconsolable about the store closing. Lastly,

[00:10:47] I bought a shotgun. You never forget how to shoot. That sundown, I sat on the porch again. The shotgun lay in my lap. Two shells were sitting on the counter. I had not yet installed the cameras, but if that fucker got too close to my property, I wouldn't have to.

[00:11:17] There it was. It wasn't much closer, but it was closer. I assumed in a day's time I wouldn't need my binoculars. A butterfly fluttered around in my stomach when I saw that it was wearing a sweater with a tear in the shoulder. It had brought its own pair of binoculars.

[00:11:47] I loaded the shotgun and cocked it. I stood up from my chair a lot faster than usual, not taking my eyes off the thing. It jumped. I treaded slowly. My eyes started to hurt. I needed to blink, but I knew that if I did, it would disappear. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, it disappeared.

[00:12:16] I blinked multiple times. I was still looking at it. It vanished right in front of me. That night, I took my two pills and tried to sleep. It wasn't happening. Something gnawed away at me.

[00:12:47] I had set up the cameras in front of my property, but something was off. I passively thought that maybe I shouldn't have bought that shotgun, that maybe it was a waste of money. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. The next day, I felt incredibly groggy.

[00:13:15] It was one of those nights where you can't fall asleep and you blink and it's 7am already. I knew I had slept, but I felt like I got none. Terrible feeling. I reflected on my second thoughts about the shotgun. I should have bought a sniper instead. It was sundown

[00:13:45] before I knew it. Time flies when you're having fun, I thought. Where was it, though? I hadn't seen it yet. I wasn't sure if it was late or if my timing was off. Maybe I had scared it off with a shotgun? I looked through the window. When I looked back, it was in front of my house,

[00:14:14] almost in my yard. A younger me could have hit it with a rock. State your business! You are trust- I yelled. It had a shotgun just like me. It was wearing the same glasses, the same pants, the same sweater and the same shoes. It lowered its binoculars.

[00:14:43] It was like looking at a cracked mirror. It was me, but rock. It could pass as me from a distance, but if you look at the finer details, you'd realize it's an imitation. I was struck with a sword of terror. I had never felt before. I was heaving.

[00:15:12] All I could hear was my heart pounding. I cocked the shotgun. It just stood. He just stood. I shot.

[00:15:58] Oddly enough, I felt really tired. My searching fervor died down about an hour after the sun had set. I lumbered to my bed and collapsed onto it. I didn't brush my teeth, shower, or even change my clothes. I simply fell asleep. I slept like a rock.

[00:16:28] I woke up at 9 o'clock, much later than I usually do. When sundown came, I was very tired. He didn't show, so I just headed off to bed. The next day, I woke up even later. I didn't even make it to sundown before turning in for the night. Today,

[00:16:59] I woke up at 2. I'm not sure what's happening to me. I'm not sure where you went. The last couple of days have been hazy, to say the least. I'm asking all of you on the internet to help me. What has happened to me? I feel really tired. I think

[00:17:28] I'm going to turn in for the night. ClancyPasta presents A man I don't know has been taking my trash out every single day. Bye, Wario Guy. And you're listening to Clancy Pasta. Tulsa.

[00:18:03] I met this guy a couple of weeks ago. He was an old man on the shorter side. He walked with a limp. I only met him because he came into the camera store I manage. It was a pretty simple interaction. He bought some cameras and asked me if any buffalo had gotten off of the reservation. I said no and he was on his way. I live in a neighborhood

[00:18:33] on the outskirts of Tulsa. Is Tulsa the most interesting city ever? No. But it is pretty nice. They don't call it the Paris of Oklahoma for no reason. This man was pretty forgettable. I wouldn't have remembered him at all if he didn't stand outside my house at 4am.

[00:19:03] I was taking the trash out. I forgot to do it last night but I woke up early. I'm a light sleeper. I took it out and there he stood. He stared straight at me from the moment I opened the door to my backyard. His head pivoted unnaturally like he was a startled cat. He was a good distance away from the streetlights but I could tell it was

[00:19:33] the same guy. He followed me with his gaze. I cautiously waved and then sprinted back behind my house. I tend to get freaked out by things like that. I just assumed he was some weirdo who just got lost because I didn't remember him living in my neighborhood. When I left for work at 830, he wasn't there.

[00:20:05] The rest of my day proceeded as normal. I got home at around 8 p.m. I ate dinner and I went to bed. An otherwise unremarkable day. The thought of that man, though, it stayed on my mind all night. I heard some rustling outside the subsequent night. night.

[00:20:35] I checked the window. The man from last night was trying to figure out how to open the gate to my backyard. I ran outside and yelled at him, hey, what are you doing? He scuttled off as quickly as possible with that gate. I thought that if he tried coming over again, I would call 911. I got a camera from the store

[00:21:04] I work at the next day. Business there has been slow. My shift ended early that day, so I set up the camera at my front door and went to sleep like normal. The next morning, I checked the camera. I saw him. He arrived at around four and tried for an hour straight to

[00:21:34] open the back gate. It was like his hand wasn't being controlled by him with how haphazardly he slapped it against the simple lock. After about an hour, he got it. All he did was take the trash out front. The way he did it was sloppy. There wasn't anything in there, but he banged it against seemingly every wall he could.

[00:22:04] I woke up when he did so. I hazily stepped out front to find the trash bin. It was all scratched up, no doubt from the banking. I was seriously confused by this. What on earth was he doing? Was there some sort of motive that I didn't get? He had come over three nights in a row. ago? My most

[00:22:33] pressing question is what he would do on the fourth. As a kid, I read all kinds of detective books. They always did these elaborate stakeouts. I always thought they were impractical. Never once did I think I would do one of them. I've never been the paranoid type. I suppose this story might say otherwise.

[00:23:04] I thought that I would rather not call 911 if this man truly had no bad intentions. So, I grabbed a lawn chair, a camera for recording, and waited for him. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step

[00:23:33] projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Traditional home security only alerts you after a break-in. And that's too late. SimpliSafe is changing that. Stop. This is SimpliSafe. Police are on the way. We don't just alert. We stop

[00:24:03] crime before it starts. SimpliSafe. Plan starting around a dollar a day. Save 50% on your new system with professional monitoring at simplisafe.com slash Spotify or with promo code Spotify. Outdoor deterrence requires a SimpliSafe Active Guard outdoor protection plan starting at $49.99 a month. Visit simplisafe.com slash licenses for alarm license information. Tennessee 2012. The man showed up around 4 a.m. It had been a long night. He had been very inconsistent with schedule before.

[00:24:34] He opened the gate and slowed when he saw me. He yelled, Hey, what are you doing? In my voice voice and bolted. I was about to give chase but I figured it was pointless. I had evidence. I was going to show it to the police that day. I checked it.

[00:25:04] There was no SD card. I was bewildered. I had one in. I knew I did. Where had it gone? I wasn't that absent minded. Right? The next night I decided to watch him. I thought he would try to break in so I hid behind my back door with a cleaver

[00:25:34] in my hand waiting. I tried as hard as I could to stay awake but I couldn't. I fell asleep. He didn't come in. All he did was take out the garbage. he did it around the same time. 4am. This night he also didn't do a good job at taking it to the front of the house.

[00:26:04] He even woke up one of my neighbors as they yelled at me the next day. I found it weird that I didn't wake up. the weirdest part though was that he had a camera. Not a handheld one, one on a stand like I had used the night I held a stake out.

[00:26:34] That day I had work but oddly enough I barely thought of him. It was like I was daydreaming about nothing that day. That night I felt really lazy. I didn't really care to see what he was doing. He was just taking out my trash and something in my brain told me that was okay. I fell asleep very early

[00:27:04] that night. I slept like a rock. I slept through even my alarm the next day. That day was the seventh since I had first seen him outside my property. It was garbage day. I found myself struggling to stay awake at work. I guess that all those nights of staying up had

[00:27:34] taken their toll on me. I was barely able to get the bare minimum done that day. I fell asleep pretty much the second I got home. The same laziness as the last night overtook me except much stronger. I didn't even want to brush my teeth or shower. I just fell asleep in what I was wearing. This was the first day. I didn't even take the trash

[00:28:04] back in. The next day was when I started writing this post. I woke up at around two o'clock and checked the camera again with a little motivation I had and what I found was pretty interesting. He had arrived around the same time 4am. He was still holding the camera on the stand from a couple nights ago.

[00:28:34] He reacted strangely to the trash bin being out front. He stared it down for a couple of minutes. Then he just sat next to it. He rocked back and forth. The garbage truck came by at about 8. He reacted the same way. He stood up and gazed ahead. His neck snapped to whatever direction each

[00:29:04] sound the truck came from. The man driving the truck motioned for him to move. But he didn't. He just stood there. The trash man seemed pretty peeved at the old man. He stepped out of the truck and yelled at him. I didn't hear it because the truck was being too loud. The old man simply stared ahead. He appeared to be

[00:29:34] analyzing the trash man, at least from the angle the camera was positioned at. The trash man pushed the old man. The old man bent inward unnaturally in a way that a spine should probably not do. The trash man stepped back and scrambled back into his truck. The old man yelled in my voice, Hey, what are you doing?

[00:30:05] Once more, the trash man drove away quickly. The old man scrambled away. anyway, I just wanted to ask all of you about this. I'm not particularly concerned, I'm just wondering if this has happened to anyone else.

[00:30:35] Like I said earlier, life in Tulsa can be boring at times, so I should be thankful for a shakeup. Sorry if this post is a little shorter than the norm on this website. It's been hard writing it. Just haven't really found the motivation. If I don't get back to any of you guys, I'm probably sleeping. I wonder why I'm

[00:31:05] so tired these days. This episode is brought to you by Chat GPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys than just reports. option

[00:31:40] in the US there's a break in every 26 seconds but when intruders step near SimpliSafe home security steps up. Stop. This is SimpliSafe. Police are on SimpliSafe, no long-term contracts. Save 50% on your new system with professional monitoring at simplisafe.com slash Spotify or with promo code Spotify. Outdoor deterrence requires a SimpliSafe Active Guard outdoor protection plan starting at $49.99 a month.

[00:32:10] Visit simplisafe.com slash licenses for alarm license information. Tennessee 2012.