"I Think My Microwave is Broken" | ClancyPasta PRESENTS

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[00:01:02] ClancyPasta Presents I Think My Microwave Is Broken By Lil Nimrod And you're listening to ClancyPasta I live alone in a small house in the middle of the street In a happy little neighborhood

[00:01:30] Nothing strange ever happens here Most houses have families with at least two kids, a picket fence, and a husband that's screwing the nanny The usual suburban slice of paradise Or whatever Really, if anything is out of the ordinary in this neighborhood It's me I'm a single woman, no pets I drive for DoorDash by day and write horny Literature

[00:01:59] For thirsty housewives at night I'm usually driving for about six hours straight And then spending about another five hours writing each day It may seem excessive But if you consider the fact only about thirty minutes worth of my writing Is not mindless coffee drinking and unreadable dog shit I do what I must Because of this, I don't have time to cook Even if I knew how

[00:02:29] My father left when I was a child And my mother could burn box mac and cheese I'm absolutely useless in a kitchen However, there is one kitchen gadget I was always particularly good with The microwave The great and powerful microwave was my savior most days If I was in too much of a hurry to wait in the drive-thru

[00:02:56] I could just pop a burrito or hot pocket in the microwave for a few minutes And I was good to go Yep Cooking was actually pretty easy with the help of the microwave Until today It was a fairly normal spring day I had just enough orders to keep me going straight on through lunch, though So I decided to stop home for a hot pocket Ham and cheese

[00:03:26] My favorite I popped it in the microwave Started the timer Then leaned my back against the counter I took out my phone and began checking Instagram When I heard it It was quiet So quiet I had to strain my ears to hear But there, just above the buzz of the microwave I heard it It sounded like Moaning?

[00:03:54] No, singing! And I swear it was getting louder I looked out my kitchen window To see if any kids driving by were playing their music too loud But the street was dead All the kids were in school And judging from the empty driveways The parents were probably at work When I turned back to the microwave I saw there was only ten seconds left on the timer

[00:04:24] Just before the alarm went off I was almost certain the sounds were coming from inside the microwave I shook away the thought And took out my hot pocket Then got back to work Later that night While working overtime on my Second job The previously mentioned Literature I decided to heat up some instant coffee

[00:04:53] Unlike most other people in the 21st century I didn't have an instant pod machine I put plain ground coffee in my mug Added water And threw it in the microwave That's it No sugar No cream Just the dark and bitter truth I did as I usually do Two spoonfuls of coffee ground In one of my plain white mugs I had a set of six coffee mugs

[00:05:21] Mom only drank wine when she was over And my stepdad has a heart condition I'm the only one who drinks coffee Another reminder of how alone I am After adding some warm water to the mug And stirring the grounds Turning it into a dark brown sludge I popped it in the microwave And let it run While scrolling through Instagram

[00:05:49] And admiring all the women that I'll never look like Or the famous men I'd probably never be with I began To hear it The singing Again It was 1am There's no way someone in this neighborhood would risk the fury of the HOA I leaned my ear towards the microwave Cupping my hand over my ear to hear better I could hear it clearly now

[00:06:18] Not singing But chanting And it was definitely coming from inside my microwave I peered inside to see if something was wrong with the plate But it was rotating just fine That's when I noticed what looked like little Tiny People In brown cloaks Circled around my coffee muck I blinked in disbelief

[00:06:48] And rubbed my bloodshot eyes When I opened them again I realized what I saw was Just coffee droplets on the plate And my coffee was bubbling over the edge Popping and spitting all over the microwave I quickly swung the door open and grabbed the mug Before realizing how hot it was I yelped and dropped the mug

[00:07:14] The cheap ceramic fell onto my stovetop and shattered to bits Splashing all over the stove Walls And even me I quickly rinsed my hands under cold water to relieve the pain Before cleaning the mess and throwing my dirty clothes in the wash I crashed on the couch About a half hour later

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[00:08:10] Healthcare just got less painful I see you Avatar Fire and Ash is now streaming on Disney Plus It's the film critics are calling the best Avatar yet Go, go, go, go A true epic and completely jaw-dropping This is the only purest thing in this world Return to Pandora on Disney Plus It will be an adventure for the whole family And watch the Oscar-winning phenomenon at home This is sick!

[00:08:39] Avatar Fire and Ash Now streaming on Disney Plus Rated PG-13 On Sunday, I ate lunch at a local burger joint Then brought home a pizza from Little Caesar's So I didn't use the microwave I almost hit a black cat on the way home But it turned out to be a crow and flew off I decided to chalk it up to bad eyesight And made a mental note to get an appointment with an optometrist

[00:09:07] Monday morning, I decided to have some leftover pizza for breakfast Unfortunately, I'm not a big cold pizza girl So I popped the last two pieces on a plate And threw them in the microwave on sensor reheat Same as I do for everything Sometimes I'll have to put something in twice But it usually works the first time As always, I took out my phone

[00:09:35] And began scrolling to squeeze every bit of dopamine I could Out of the minute and 15 seconds it would take to heat my meal I decided to listen to some music And ignore whatever sounds came from the microwave No sooner had I opened Instagram Than the microwave beeped Indicating it was done I thought it went a bit fast But maybe I had daydreamed away some of the time

[00:10:05] I took out the plate and carried it to the couch When I noticed the plate was cold I poked a slice of pizza with a fingertip And it was cold as well Perhaps I'd hit the wrong button I went back to the kitchen Popped the plate back in the microwave And made sure I hit the right button this time I watched it spin The whole time This time I was certain The full minute and 15 seconds had gone by

[00:10:35] I removed the plate before it even finished beeping Still cold I cursed under my breath Threw the plate back in and hit the button One minute start One minute Hadn't it been a minute and 15 before? I looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully As I tried to remember Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

[00:11:03] It was done already? Again? I swung the door open And stared at the pizza slices Sitting lifeless on the plate I thrust a finger Into the cheesy surface And caused a small crater As the sauce squelched under my finger Freezing cold I turned to glare at the bright green letters Spelling out Hot meal Scrolling along the small screen

[00:11:34] Such a brazen lie I decided the microwave must be dying or something So I begrudgingly downed the frigid slices Before heading to work On Tuesday night My mom and stepdad would be over for dinner and board games Putting the stress of the microwave behind me I prepared myself for the stress of hosting my parents As usual

[00:12:02] I was sure they'd ask me if I was dating anyone yet They always did And I always told them the same thing No one serious I wasn't lying Everyone I'd ever been with before Had left soon after I'd invited them over Some would even leave the same day Maybe it was how my house looked Or how I looked Either way It got tiring

[00:12:31] Sure enough That night was no different Mom was the one who asked This time Seemed like they took turns The week before my stepdad asked This time I was tired Too tired to hold back This time I joked Perhaps a A little too dryly If I want to die alone I will

[00:12:58] My stepdad put his fork down As my mother pursed her lips Stopping just shy of taking a sip From her wine glass The silence hung in the air like a fog Begging to be lifted by even a whisper Instead The silence was broken By a loud and cheerful beep Startling everyone And causing my mom to spill her wine

[00:13:27] Damn it Good thing it's white My mother exclaimed over a second beep As my mother began dabbing at the spill I stood up and walked into the kitchen As the third and final beep rang out When I looked at the microwave I couldn't believe my eyes Instead of seeing Hot meal On the screen I saw Open

[00:13:56] Me Scrolling across the screen In glowing green light I stared at it Frozen In fear I remembered the strange sounds I'd heard recently That seemed to come from the microwave Before I realized it My hand was on the handle Of the microwave door Just before opening it I caught movement

[00:14:24] Out of the corner of my eye Snapping my attention To the object moving towards me I nearly leapt out of my skin As my stepfather Walked up to me Eating up some Joe? He asked in his chipper Midwestern accent Catching my breath I took my hand off the handle And told him that the Microwave wasn't working right When I looked at the screen again It said

[00:14:54] 8.56 Just the time He asked to take a look at it for me But I told him I'd just Get a new one tomorrow I shouldn't have said that On Wednesday morning I woke up with a pain in my neck And a burrito wrapper On my pillow When I went to my kitchen

[00:15:23] To get some Tylenol I saw it In the center of the floor Sat a pile of burritos Surrounded by a circle Of Hot Pockets If I had a history Of sleepwalking I would have found This scene ridiculous And laughed as I cleaned it up But I don't sleepwalk At least I never did before Something really Strange Was happening

[00:15:53] That's when I noticed The microwave Was running The timer showed Only zeros I didn't even look inside Before pressing cancel And stopping it Without thinking I whipped open the door And was greeted by a giant cloud Of black smoke As the room began to fill With smoke I retched At the smell Whatever was in the microwave Was certainly cooked

[00:16:23] I let my kitchen air out And cleaned up The hot pocket circle Then managed to take The very well done object Out of the microwave Without throwing up I prayed It was just a burrito As I threw it In the trash outside I took an entire can Of air freshener And a candle To get rid Of the smell I don't think It was a

[00:16:54] Burrito I called in sick And spent the entire day Looking for a new microwave I hoped whatever I experienced Or did last night Was just a Sleepwalking moment I chalked it up To the stress Of having my parents Over for dinner And trying to put it Behind me To my surprise After hitting Every hardware store In town And nearly running Out of gas

[00:17:23] I discovered There was a grand total Of Zero Microwaves In stock My mother Now drunk enough From day drinking To call me Asked me To come over For lunch But I declined When I told her Why I can't today Mom I'm trying to find A new microwave She seemed taken aback

[00:17:53] By this As most sane people Would Her only daughter Was turning down Free food Because of a Microwave She compounded This well known fact By saying I'll pay She paused And I swear I could hear Her lips curl Into a sneer On the other side Of the line As she sweetly Slurred We can order DoorDash Weren't you supposed To be working Today sweetie

[00:18:23] I rolled my eyes And replied No thanks I called in sick My luck the boss Would show up With our order Mom chuckled And after hearing My conundrum She suggested I check Craigslist Or Marketplace A small Single woman Meeting random Internet strangers

[00:18:51] I like my organs On the inside Thanks I told her After a few More polite words We said our Goodbyes And hung up My mother Was probably Very concerned About my mental Health After that call And I couldn't Blame her Was a microwave Really causing All my troubles I bit the bullet And ordered a new Microwave from Home Depot On finance

[00:19:20] I even paid Extra for it To arrive at The earliest Time Saturday At 9am Just two More days I reassured Myself I hit McDonald's On the way Home for A quarter Pounder And fries Then I Hit the Gas station For some Wine The apple Didn't fall Far I'm Aware

[00:19:47] That night I slept Restlessly Maybe the Wine Or The quarter Pounder Or Both I got up To go To the Bathroom Sometime Around 3am And Violently Emptied My stomach Of its Wretched Contents After Flushing The putrid Mess And washing My face I Stepped Out Into The dimly Lit Hallway And Stopped Dead In

[00:20:30] Kept Trying To Ignore It Was Too Loud To Ignore Now And Growing Louder Still For Whatever Reason I Didn't Run Screaming Out Of The House Instead I Followed The Sound Down The Hall I Turned The Corner As The Chanting Reached A Roaring Climax Then Stopped Sending The House Into A Suffocating Silence When I Stepped Into The Kitchen

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[00:21:29] I'm not Giving Up I am Selling The Building The Final Season Of FX Is The Bear The Restaurant Is Flooded Everything Is Either Going To Be Okay Or Not We Are Outgunned And We

[00:22:13] Zeros This Time And I Tried Pressing Cancel It Didn't Stop Of Course That's When I Noticed The Microwave Wasn't Completely Empty A Small Pink Colored Glob Was Sitting In The Center Of The Plate I Watched It Spin For Some Time Mesmerized As It Began To Grow And Expand It Looked Soft But Had Form

[00:22:43] And Structure I Felt Like I'd Seen That Material Before It Began To Grow Sideways Faster Now Then Curving Back Over Itself To Form An S Shaped Tube That's When It Struck Me Why It Looked Familiar It Was Human Tissue Specifically It Was The Tissue Of A

[00:23:12] Small Intestine I Reeled Back In Horror As

[00:23:59] Do Do I Do I Do I I I Hadn't Already Thrown Up Something That Looked Similar I'd Have Certainly Emptied My Stomach Then That's when I looked inside the empty microwave The inside of the microwave looked horrific

[00:24:25] The walls and door were coated in a thick pink membrane that oozed sticky mucus It pulsated gently as small veins formed in it Dripping with blood as they formed Then were quickly healed over And covered by another layer of pinkish red membrane The whole sight was finally enough to make me wretch But nothing came up

[00:24:53] I gagged on my own saliva And wretched again before noticing the feeling in my lower abdomen It felt warm and empty Hesitantly, I looked down at my body and saw it Attached to my abdomen was the microwave door My skin woven into the hinge Looking through the window of the door

[00:25:22] I screamed at what I saw In place of my organs Was a perfectly clean microwave plate Rotating in the yellow light I awoke in my bed with the same empty feeling in my stomach And drenched in sweat My sheets were all tossed on the floor in a pile And my pillow had fallen off the other side

[00:25:52] Gaining my bearings as the early morning sun peeked through my curtains I realized it was just a dream And the emptiness in my stomach was only hunger now I couldn't take it anymore I went to the spare room and grabbed the one power tool I owned A power drill

[00:26:18] I stomped into the kitchen and used my newly acquired weapon to begin removing that damned microwave I'm sure it was just a bad dream But with everything that had been happening I couldn't take the chance It was surprisingly heavy And in my sleep deprived hunger induced rage I miscalculated the effort and manpower needed to remove it Upon loosening the last screw

[00:26:47] I lost what little grip I had on it The microwave crashed into my stove top With a horrible grating and cracking noise Shattering my glass stove top Fuck! I exclaimed In my frustration I quickly reached for the microwave To lift it off the stove And examine the damage Unfortunately

[00:27:13] My dumb ass tried to grab the microwave from the bottom edges Forgetting there might be shards of glass under it Immediately I realized my mistake As a stinging pain tore through my palms I reeled back from the pain And saw two large shards of glass Sticking from jagged holes on each palm I wailed in pain for what felt like five minutes Tears streaming down my face

[00:27:46] Once I regained my composure I realized they weren't deep enough to cause any damage to mobility So I was able to remove the nearly two inch long shards very carefully I let out a pain squeak As I removed the shard from my left palm first And threw it into the sink Spattering blood around the metal surface Before following gravity into the drain

[00:28:12] I removed the second shard I removed the second shard with a whimper And a moan Then tossed it beside the other in the sink I cleaned my wounds And covered them with elbow bandages They stayed on and covered my wounds enough to keep them from bleeding much more But I knew I would need stitches Once I stopped shaking I managed to call my mother

[00:28:40] And ask if she could take me to the emergency room I hated asking her But I knew I couldn't drive myself After she finished berating me for my carelessness She agreed to take me Six stitches in each hand And some pain meds later I found myself having breakfast with my mom At a small bakery

[00:29:09] It had some dumb Gen Z naming conventions To the menu items Like the Oh lord he coming omelet And the Big chungus breakfast croissant My mother always tried to Stay hip with the kids As she put it Coming out of my medicated stupor I realized my mother is discussing my love life Again

[00:29:36] She's talking about a friend's son That is around my age And just moved back to town Suggesting he might be a good fit for me For whatever reason I found myself agreeing to meet him I was tired of being alone So alone that I somehow made a broken microwave Out to be a monster If it wasn't my love life My family was critiquing It was my eating habit

[00:30:07] Perhaps this was just my mind telling me That I was getting too old To handle processed foods anymore I listened intently As my mother described the man I'd be having over for dinner that night She had it all planned out Like a military commander At a quarter to six My Date Would arrive with his mother And after initial greetings

[00:30:36] She would leave Allowing us to drink some wine And talk The wine would be courtesy of my mother And once we'd Gotten to know each other Mom said my stepfather Would stop by around six With a fresh hot lasagna And his famous Seasoned vegetables He was the only good cook In the family It was partially Why my mother married him At the mention of my stepdad

[00:31:06] My mother gets a call from him As if on cue It seems while I was out with my mother He was helping clean up the mess I left in my kitchen I can't quite hear him When my mother answers the phone So She relays to me That he cleaned up the broken glass And had his brother help load up And dispose of the broken oven Mom promises She'll get me a new one If the date goes well Half joking

[00:31:37] I shrug As she gets a confused look On her face What? I'll Try I mumbled defensively She shook her head and said No honey I'm just Confused She paused Then continued If you wanted to throw out the microwave Why did you put it back up?

[00:32:09] I stared at her blankly at first Then slowly contorted my face Into confusion As what she said Didn't Make Sense I left the microwave On the stove I swore I had If I didn't put it up Then Who did? My mother As if reading my mind Scoffs Well you had to No one besides your dad and I

[00:32:39] Have a key As soon as she says this I feel a small shift In the back of my brain It's subtle but feels like a gate opened Allowing me to begin remembering what truly happened that morning I woke up and decided to throw out the microwave Resulting in it breaking my stove top and injuring my hands

[00:33:07] That much I remembered Then I began to remember more After removing the shards of glass from my hands I Didn't immediately bandage them Instead I Carefully placed my hands Dripping with blood still On either side of the microwave And lifted it back into place Everything I did seemed Robotic

[00:33:37] Like I was unbothered By the bloody and painful gashes In my palms As I mounted the microwave Back On the wall I Guess I did I'm sorry Can you still get rid of it? I asked my mother hesitantly She turned back to her phone And commanded her husband

[00:34:07] To take it to the dump He agreed But Needed to get his own drill Since mine was coated in blood In the meantime I wasn't Going home I'm sure it was just some kind of delirium Brought on by the injuries and blood loss But It still wasn't sitting right with me Either way I asked my mom to go dress shopping with me Until my stepfather was done She agreed Obviously

[00:34:36] And we spent a few hours shopping 5.30 came around And I was nearly ready to meet the man My mother had swooned over At breakfast My mother texted me around this time To inform me that my date would Not be arriving with his mother I was told it was due to a Baking emergency When my date arrived I had already downed about two glasses of wine

[00:35:06] And was Feeling quite comfortable For once He was easy to talk with And very polite He listened intently Even when I overshared And Didn't seem to mind it I truly felt like he might be worthy Of a second date Given He found me agreeable Just before my stepfather Was due to arrive I realized I had a bit too much wine And Needed to empty my bladder

[00:35:34] I politely excused myself As I dashed off to the bathroom While in the bathroom I heard the doorbell ring My stepdad Timely as ever I heard the front door open Then the muffled voices of my stepdad And date After a moment I heard the door close And some shuffling As my date moved around I washed my hands

[00:36:03] Then stepped into the hallway And adjusted my bra In the hall mirror When I Heard my date call From the kitchen Do I want to know What happened to your stove? He asked With a chuckle I began telling him About how I was attempting To throw out my broken microwave Until I Turned Into the kitchen doorway His look of confusion Stops me mid-sentence Before I turn my eyes

[00:36:33] To the object Hanging on the wall Right next to me I hiss I thought my stepdad Threw it out My date smiled Concern growing in his eyes Want me to Take it off your hands? I scoffed Then realized he was serious And straightened up Adjusting my tone You don't have to

[00:37:02] Besides my drill isn't Clean I said with a shy smile Showing him my bandaged palms I explained the rest of the events Of my morning as we ate He found the story charming And he even said my mother Sounded like an alcoholic poser This gave me a good chuckle Before my bladder reminded me again That I drank just about as much as her

[00:37:32] I excused myself To go use the restroom For the second time And darted down the hall I hear my date moving around Probably cleaning up the dishes While I'm doing my business How gentlemanly Suddenly I felt a bubbling sensation In my stomach As it started to ache At this point I'm Beginning to think The wine has it in for me I curled over in pain

[00:38:01] And began to push When I heard a knock On the door Followed by my date's Gentle yet deep voice Asking if I had any coffee I told him I had some In the cabinet Over the coffee mugs He thanked me Then apologized for his intrusion Before walking away I see you Avatar Fire and Ash Is now streaming on Disney Plus

[00:38:30] It's the film critics are calling The best Avatar yet Go go go go A true epic And completely jaw dropping This is the only purest thing In this world Return to Pandora On Disney Plus It will be an adventure For the whole family And watch the Oscar winning phenomenon At home This is sick Avatar Fire and Ash Now streaming on Disney Plus Rated PG-13 Mildly shell-shocked

[00:38:58] I returned to my business Before realizing The key element To making coffee In my house The microwave I panicked And quickly cleaned up Before darting down the hall And around the kitchen corner I must have looked insane Dress hanging askew On my shoulders Face frazzled And red from the alcohol My hair starting to come loose From my bun And hanging in my eyes

[00:39:27] Blowing a strand of hair Out of my face I expected to see Some horrific Microwave monster Fearing it was All another dream The man standing in my kitchen Jumped at the sight of me Then smiled Managing to somehow Not spill the mug Of steaming hot coffee In his hands Realizing his mistake He began to apologize Oh I'm sorry

[00:39:56] I had thought You said your microwave Wasn't working But this coffee Sure is hot He nods gently And extends the coffee mug Out in offering I shift my face Into a cheerful smile And thank him As I take the warm mug From him Well Thank you It's been causing me trouble So I just stopped using it

[00:40:29] I didn't dare tell him About my dream Or the chanting I'd heard I wanted him to think I was still Somewhat Sane Especially After I just sprinted Into the kitchen Like it was The hundred yard dash From our school days He didn't seem to mind Though And after he heated up His own mug Without any trouble We sat together On my uncomfortably Small couch We discussed our youth And our least favorite class

[00:40:58] Math I found out he was only One year older than me And we'd had the same Horrible math teacher After bonding over Our shared hatred Of the American school system And bullies I began to feel My stomach rumble again Was it the Olympic sprint this time Or the coffee Either way I excused myself For the third time That evening And trotted off

[00:41:28] To the bathroom On the way back From the bathroom I heard the microwave Running That low Buzzing sound Nearly turned My stomach again But thankfully It was No longer Accompanied by chanting Stealing myself I Chose not to run This time I figured my date Was simply Warming as coffee We had lost track Of time

[00:41:58] While talking And I noticed My coffee Beginning to get cold Before I'd gotten up That was the most likely Answer why I would be Running And assuring myself Of this I sat back down On my couch And waited I noticed My mug Was not on my Coffee table And smiled As I imagined The man in my kitchen Politely reheating My coffee As well I began to actually Daydream about What to do For our next date

[00:42:28] When the microwave Beeped I jumped a little Then turned towards The kitchen doorway With a smile Expecting to see That tall Blonde Man of my dreams Walk back in With warm coffee I waited a second Then what felt Like a minute I finally realized I hadn't heard A sound from the kitchen Since the beeping Ended It was dead

[00:42:57] Silent Not the door opening As you'd expect No feet shifting On the linoleum tile Not even a sigh A chill Ran down my spine As I began to fear I was alone In the house Or worse I really was Dreaming again I shook the thought Away Replacing it With more likely Possibilities He was probably Outside Getting some air Or on a call

[00:43:28] God forbid If he was smoking But I figured my mom Would have filtered out Smokers I sat in silence For another three minutes Before standing And walking To my front door It was locked So there was No way he was Out front I turned around And stared At the kitchen doorway The house Fell eerily Silent I broke it By marching

[00:43:57] Into the kitchen Ensuring my footsteps Made a resounding Thump With each step My arms Pumping Back and forth Aggressively Fists Balled Tight Walking straight Past the microwave I spotted a mug On the counter That was Still steaming Slightly Curiously My back door Was unlocked But When I opened it And peeked out

[00:44:27] I found no one there I figured my date Had Simply had enough Of my bowel problems And Decided to run out The back door Defeated I locked the door And turned to face The sink When I noticed An empty coffee mug Sitting in the drain It was still Slightly wet From having been Recently washed

[00:45:23] Small water droplets Falling my nightmare When I noticed the plate Was still Spinning Slightly Faulty Piece of shit I yelled As I slammed the door Shut Then grabbed the power cable And yanked it From the wall The plate The plate stopped spinning And for a moment I felt some peace And calm Wash over me I decided to finish My coffee

[00:45:53] While eating Uncrustables And watching episodes Of my favorite True crime podcast Giving my day To the benefit Of the doubt I began to hope It wasn't an emergency And someone in his family Was in life Threatening condition Odd as it may be I was comforted By the thought And fell asleep Shortly Thereafter While I slept

[00:46:22] I had a dream Of our next date We were at some sort Of theme park And playing all sorts Of carnival games It was at a Ball toss game Where my date Won me a large prize We were thrilled Jumping up and down When I turned To see the prize In the park members Hands It was a brand New Microwave That was when

[00:46:52] I realized The entire park Was microwave Themed Toys Drinks Food All Microwave Themed As the world Seemed to spin Around me My eyes darting From microwave Shaped collectible Mugs And guests Hands Microwave Plushies Merchandise Even shirts With microwaves On them There were Even Clouds Clowns Clowns In the usual Multi-colored

[00:47:22] Baggy clothes And big shoes Except for one Major difference They all had Large microwave Masks On their heads Sickly Yellow lights Emanated From horrific LED smiles In menacing eyes Built into The window The door Of the mask Opened And closed As they Laughed Revealing Only rotating

[00:47:50] Glass plates Where their Hens Should be I could feel My chest Tightening As I began To breathe Faster Panic Setting in When I turned To my date And his face Had been replaced By a horrific Microwave Mask He began Laughing At me Behind the Glowing Yellow Eyes And jagged Teeth When the Door Of the Mask Swung Open To reveal His Severed Head On the Plate

[00:48:21] It spun To face Me As blood Dripped From his Neck Expecting To see His Cold Dead Stare I was Greeted Only By Empty Bloodied Eye Sockets His Mouth Hung Agape Teeth Still Bright And White A Stark Contrast To the Dark Red Orbs That Sat Between Them A Wooden Stick

[00:48:51] Was Shoved Through The Orbs Like A Kebab The Microwave Table Stopped With His Head Facing Me When His Jaw Loosened And The Orbs Rolled Onto The Table I Didn't Need To Look But I Did Aimed Directly At Me Now I Knew What I

[00:49:25] To Lifeless Now Skewered On A Stick Like Some Kind Of Appetizer I Woke Up Screaming And Realized I'd Fallen Asleep On My Couch Listening To My Podcast It Was An Episode About A Well Documented Cannibal And Serial Killer It Was No Wonder I Had Bad Dreams Honestly I Picked My Empty Coffee Mug Up Off The Floor

[00:49:55] And Washed It I Looked At The Microwave And Told Myself It Was Just A Dream But I Couldn't Shake That Uneasy Feeling It Some Pieces Of Dry Wall Fell Into The Empty

[00:50:25] Space On The Floor Where My Oven Used To Be I Could Feel My Hands Reminding Me Of Yesterday's Incident As I Quickly Transported It Off Over The

[00:50:55] Device Feeling Like My Problems Were Finally About To Be Gone I Closed The Lid And Looked Up At The Sky I Felt The Early Morning Breeze Against My Face As First Light Showed Itself Through The Fog That's When I Noticed It A Brand New Lexus Parked In

[00:51:26] Date Owned The One He Drove To My House Parked In My Driveway And Hopefully Was Sleeping Off A Hangover Inside Of Now I Walked Over To The Passenger Side Of The Car And Peered Through The Windows It Seemed Empty Save For A Grande Starbucks Coffee Mog With A Bit Of Iced Coffee Still In It It Used To Be Iced Coffee

[00:51:55] The Ice Had All Melted By Now There Was No Other Sign Of Life In The Car And When I Pulled On The Handle It Was Unlocked To My Surprise I Leaned In Not Expecting To See Anyone And Was Unfortunately Correct I Closed The Car Door And Quickly Went Back Inside Slamming The

[00:52:27] Episode Of My Podcast Cranking The Volume Until It Was So Loud I Couldn't Even Think I Finally Fell Asleep Again Somehow And Thankfully This Time I Didn't Have Any Dreams I Was Awoken By The Ringing Of My Phone And Saw I Had Slept Until 2 PM I Answered The Phone Groggily Managing

[00:52:57] To Grown A Hello My

[00:53:52] I He He Just Hopped In The Shower So If You Don't Mind I I Going To Thankfully I Didn't Have To Finish The Sentence And My Mother Saved Me The Embarrassment By Quickly Agreeing To Let Me Go Mumbling Something About My Stepfather Needing Help Before Wishing Me Good Luck And Hanging Up Relieved That My Mother Believed Me For Once

[00:54:21] I Leaned Back And Sunk Into The Couch Slightly I Began To Drift Off When I Heard It A Sound I Thought I Would Never Hear Again A Sound That Once Brought Me Comfort But Now Brought Only A Cold Shiver Down My Spine A Sound I Knew Now That I Couldn't Escape A Sound That Would Live With Me Forever A Sound That

[00:54:51] Haunts Me Even As I Write This Echoing In My Head For Eternity Beep Beep Beep Beep