"Thank You for Shopping at Winnie's!" | ClancyPasta PRESENTS

[00:00:01] When you've got a job to do, Lowe's knows how to help you keep it moving. My Lowe's Pro Rewards members save more with member volume discounts on eligible orders through a quote of $2,000 or more. Plus, save time with job site delivery on select purchases. Not a member? Join for free today. Exclusions, more terms, and restrictions apply. Can't be combined with any other discount, including but not limited to contract and or special pricing. Loyalty programs subject to terms and conditions. Details at lowes.com slash terms. Subject to change.

[00:00:30] At ZocDoc, we know you care about your health. You wouldn't do that early morning cardio if you didn't. So the fact that your annual physical is overdue just shows how hard it can be to get seen by a doctor. Sorry, that doctor's not in network. Press 1 for more options. You've reached us outside normal business hours. The next availability is in 3 months. But ZocDoc makes finding the right doctor easy. Download the app and search by specialty, insurance, and availability. Read real patient reviews, then book instantly. ZocDoc. Ready to be seen?

[00:01:35] ClancyPasta presents. My lizard brain, waking up first, urged me to open my eyes and take in the threat. My learned experience had taught me better. It knew that looking at it would simply make things worse. A thump boomed on the wooden floor. The being had put all its weight into that step. An exaggerated warning.

[00:02:04] A few seconds of silence. Then, another thought. Another calculated silence. Another thought. I hated the way it always performed for me. Why couldn't it jump scare me and be on its way? My chest tightened as it slowly took its usual seat, putting on just enough of its weight to make it uncomfortable, but not dangerous.

[00:02:34] It knew exactly how much I could bear while still breathing. I can't tell you why I opened my eyes. Even it was surprised I did. The mass that formed its head tilted to the side in a mockery of confusion. The figure was one of pure darkness.

[00:03:01] It was defined by a fine black outline, but its core was made of something blacker than black. Its hand, a misshapen parody composed of four claws arranged in a pattern reminiscent of a raptor's feet, reached toward my face.

[00:03:23] The sharpness of its nails vanished as the bulk of its fingers grew closer, quietly taking away my sight. Just as I went blind, my arm flung itself in the air, tossing my bed covers to the ground. I almost choked as cold air rushed into my lungs that now expanded freely.

[00:03:46] I took a couple of seconds to calm my breathing, before pressing my thumb on the sensor of my table lamp. The room flooded with light, drowning any possible remnant of the demon. That was the worst part of it all. Going to sleep right after a sleep paralysis episode made you play the same odds again.

[00:04:15] It was better to wake yourself up and put your mind at ease. Doing so, however, only made it impossible for me to fall back asleep as my mind heated up with all the thoughts and worries I had spent about thirty minutes repressing every night. The workday vanished along with the nightmares of that early morning.

[00:04:41] That state of semi-consciousness had become like second nature to me. As long as nothing new was thrown my way, I could function on autopilot while my brain remained blank, hoping in vain to get some sleep while my body worked. I had surely screwed up something. But that was just another problem for future me. Overall, the demon was the least of my problems.

[00:05:12] Sure, it was a real bad night when it showed up. But good old insomnia did the brunt of the work, making sure I never got a good night of sleep. When you've got a job to do, Lowe's knows how to help you keep it moving. Milo's Pro Rewards members save more with member volume discounts on eligible orders through a quote of $2,000 or more. Plus, save time with job site delivery on select purchases.

[00:05:42] Not a member? Join for free today. Exclusions, more terms, and restrictions apply. Can't be combined with any other discount, including but not limited to contract and or special pricing. Loyalty programs subject to terms and conditions. Details at lowes.com slash terms. Subject to change. At ZocDoc, we know you care about your health. You wouldn't do that early morning cardio if you didn't. So the fact that your annual physical is overdue just shows how hard it can be to get seen by a doctor. Sorry, that doctor's not a network. Press 1 for more options.

[00:06:11] You've reached us outside normal business hours. The next availability is in three months. But ZocDoc makes finding the right doctor easy. Download the app and search by specialty, insurance, and availability. Read real patient reviews. Then book instantly. ZocDoc. Ready to be seen? I barely realized I had arrived at Winnie's. A small boutique in the bad part of town. I decided I needed to go after work to buy a homemade dinnerware set.

[00:06:39] The girl I was seeing had watched a review on social media and had started raving about it. I'd have been an idiot to pass up such an opportunity. Welcome to Winnie's! exclaimed an enthusiastic voice. Housewares are on the last two shelves to your right. My eyes waded through the tension that restrained them and managed to land on what must have been the source of the sound.

[00:07:08] I actually felt the incongruity of the sight waking up the judgmental part of my brain. The cashier looked the opposite of enthusiastic. She was a young woman wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a long-sleeved shirt she hid under a baggier short-sleeved shirt,

[00:07:28] featuring the grotesque drawing of a girl that looked on stoically even as a second ghoulish face grew out of her own head. From under the sleeves, the esoteric designs of her tattoos poked out, reaching out to cover the knuckles of her left hand, which was loosely wrapped around the latest smartphone.

[00:07:55] Her neck was also inked in meaningless designs that cautiously crawled up to her cheeks. Her facial tattoos were barely visible under a wavy bob cut, so black it had to be dyed or caused by genetics that had predisposed her to a life on the margins, even as I stared at her. She remained entranced by her phone.

[00:08:21] In her right hand, she held a death grip on a bright red vape pen. I returned her welcome and made my way to the shelves she had announced. Just as I had expected, I couldn't tell what made these plates so special. To my untrained eye, they looked like any other old-timey dinnerware made out of clay, ceramic, or whatever they had on hand before factories came along.

[00:08:51] I picked up a complete set of blue dinnerware and trudged my way up to the counter. It was only when I rested the items on the wooden surface that the girl finally slid her phone behind the cash register. Two steely blue-gray eyes pierced through my own gaze, looking directly at the corpse of my brain. Bro.

[00:09:17] She started as if to manifest a deep relationship. You look like fucking death. Her voice was jolly and warm, even as it annihilated the modicum of self-esteem I still had. I blinked slowly. Partly because I couldn't believe what I had just heard, but mostly because my eyes wanted desperately to stay shut.

[00:09:50] I'm sorry, she quickly added. But I only call it out because I can help you. Just the dinnerware, thank you. She motioned me to wait with one finger and vanished behind a black curtain that led deeper into the building. She reappeared moments later, a complex network of threads, twigs, and feathers dangling from her hand.

[00:10:18] When she reached up to her side of the counter, she hoisted the charm at full arm's length. It was a gigantic piece, reaching down to her hips even when held so high up. It was composed of a main ring made of several layers of twigs linked by threads that drew a flower inside the shape. Under each side of this main part, a far smaller circle with similar patterns dangled.

[00:10:49] From straight under the main ring hung a medium-sized one, and from it hung a third small circle. Wooden beads and brown-gray feathers were tied to the bottom of each of the small rings. I think this is the last thing Grandma made for the store, actually. She loved making those. I guess that's why she always made them far more intricate than they have to be.

[00:11:19] She explained as her eyes bounced from one ring to another, rapidly reviewing the talisman. You have my condolences. I'm sorry. Ah! She exclaimed as if to give a short, polite laugh. The smile that stayed on her face afterwards, however, felt genuine.

[00:11:44] Her teeth were crooked and yellow, in just enough moderation to bring a bit of normalcy to her appearance. That old bitch is still kicking, and I don't think the pale rider is coming for her anytime soon. Actually, I'm pretty sure they say she'll be riding with him in the end. My face must have given away my confusion, because she felt the need to wave her free hand in the air and explain.

[00:12:15] Forget it. It's a dumb joke my mom says whenever she talks about Grandma's health. Pretty sure she's still pissed about the scar the wooden spoon left on her face. She flashed me another smile. Grandma's fine. She's just retired. I managed to nod. What's this? I asked, slowly raising my hand to point at the thing in her hand.

[00:12:46] You're trying to tell me you've never seen a dreamcatcher before, bro? Did you even have a childhood? They're Ojibwe charms that catch bad dreams and help you sleep at night. We kind of culturally appropriated the shit out of it, but Grandma's not a poser. She knows how to make them for real. Well, a version of it, anyway. No matter the origin.

[00:13:11] I didn't believe in anything esoteric or mystical. If stuff like that worked, big corporations would have had their claws all over it. Still, it was an impressive piece of craftsmanship. And I knew my girl would be kind of impressed if I manifested a spiritual side. How much? I asked.

[00:13:39] Normally we sell them 50, but I like to help people in need, so I'll do 60% off for you. A crisp Jackson, and it's all yours. Just the dinnerware, thank you. The grasp she had on her vape pen grew even tighter. Bro, it's a steal at 20 bucks. But let me tell you what.

[00:14:08] Buy another set of dinnerware, and I'll throw it in for free. I guess it would be cute to have a matching set in my own apartment. I paid for the dinnerware as she carefully put it away in a cardboard box that bore the logo of some unknown delivery company. She then threw the big dreamcatcher over the box and slid it to my side of the counter. I grabbed the bundle and walked away.

[00:14:38] Just as I turned around to open the door with my back, the cashier perked up, her sharp gaze darting up from her phone and back to me. Oh shit, my bad, bro. I totally forgot. She yelled. Is your bedroom window east-facing? What? I mumbled. Stopping dead in my tracks. The dreamcatcher, sunrise burns the bad energy away. It needs to be displayed on an east-facing window.

[00:15:09] Honestly, you can just hang it out in the sun one day each month and it should be fine. As soon as she finished her spiel, she tossed her left hand in the air, fingers outstretched and phone barely hanging on under her thumb. Sleep tight, my guy.

[00:15:28] I acknowledged her with a slow nod and decided then and there I was never coming back. No matter how cool the plates were. As soon as I got home, I texted my girl that I had a surprise for her when she came over tomorrow and crashed out in bed.

[00:15:54] As tired as I was, my brain still refused to turn off. Sleep deprivation fueled my anxiety, which fueled my insomnia, which was the root cause of my sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation, a real life perpetual motion machine.

[00:16:18] The fifth time I got up to go to the bathroom, something caught my attention on the kitchen counter. The dream catcher, still resting on the closed box of dinnerware. I sighed and grabbed it and hung it from my curtain rod. I let myself fall back into bed and closed my eyes.

[00:16:45] My mind vanished. For the first time in however long, my alarm rang. It had been a while since I had managed to get a full night of sleep. I felt alive. I was still exhausted, but I knew for a fact that I had made a dent in my sleep mortgage. A few more nights like that and maybe I would be a human being again.

[00:17:16] I was somewhat productive at work. The dinnerware had the desired effect and, as much as I hate to admit it, my girl was also very impressed by the craftsmanship of my new dream catcher. A bit over a month passed and I was a productive member of society again. I still worried about everything, but at least I could sleep.

[00:17:45] My manager had reached out to tell me he was impressed with my improvement and me and my now girlfriend were going steady. The nights when I slept alone were getting rarer and rarer. But on one such night, it came back like a forgotten acquaintance. The cre...

[00:18:11] I braced for the thumping steps that always followed. Instead, the creaking grew louder and louder. It was no longer the sound of poorly lubricated metal, but rather the noise of pressure building up in a shoddy material. The creak mutated into a rumbling as the force grew stronger and stronger.

[00:18:38] It was getting harder to resist the commands of my lizard brain. A sharp snap whipped through my skull, quickly followed by a thump, but not the one I was expecting. It was greater than it had ever been, as if the demon hadn't jumped. The following silence stretched on longer and longer.

[00:19:04] I was just about to open my eyes when the familiar sound of its step echoed, oddly putting my mind at ease. The routine I had come to expect had finally begun. It wasn't long before I felt my chest compress under its weight. A weird wave of relief washed over me, parting my eyelids along its way.

[00:19:35] Somehow, I knew the shadow was staring at me, even through the void of its face. Once again, it began the ritual, stretching its arm up and reaching for my eyes with its talons. As the darkness consumed more and more of my sight, I caught one last glimpse at the dreamcatcher,

[00:20:00] or at least the upper half left hanging from the curtain rod. With no air in my lungs, I wasn't even afforded the mercy of screaming as the darkness pierced through my corneas and kept pushing.

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