"The Cave in the Sky" | ClancyPasta PRESENTS

[00:00:00] This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So, you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook.

[00:00:32] ClancyPasta presents, The Cave in the Sky, by no difficulty, 5985. And you're listening to ClancyPasta.

[00:00:56] I haven't been able to get a hold of Theo since everything that happened in the cave. We loved each other so much, and she's gone. Like all my life with her was a dream. I know she reads this subreddit her. Did long ago. So, I'll tell the story here. Just in case. I hope you're listening, Theo.

[00:01:27] According to a quick search, the town sits at just over 8,000 feet. The mountain not quite a 13er. Between that and the sometimes overhanging cliffs, the town seems to cower in its presence. I was visiting Will from across the plains. Remember?

[00:01:50] The man himself lived in the front range, so, after he picked me up from the airport and drove us to spend the night at his place, It was still another six hours or so of driving before we arrived the following day. Through the twisting cliffside roads which wound up and down wide mountain passes, Will was only interested in one thing. A peculiar thing for him to so wonder over.

[00:02:16] For him to so drown out my each and every attempt to change the topic over. For the ownership of this land. Bright and early, he had asked me, Who owns the land the town now sits on? Who owns the mountain itself? I told him, The land belongs to the government. To the people who live here as well. But he did not like that answer.

[00:02:46] By his sudden, mad swerve, I could tell. He said, But the government stole it. It's only the government's now. He then spent hours vividly portraying the government's evil and doing just that. Though it's not worth getting into the details here. His delivery made his deep passion for this place.

[00:03:15] This world of jagged crags and untamed woods. Undeniable. We reached the town close to noon. As this was the shoulder season. Main street and all its colorful Victorian facades had hardly a soul about. A town that in peak summer or winter season would be almost a bustling resort was, in spring, somehow desolate.

[00:03:44] The few people left wandering through their days appeared happy enough, but most businesses were closed. Many permanently. And, in some obscure fashion, the Wild West outposts this had once been, came alive. It seemed, though, that Will had no interest in wasting time. He took us down Main Street at a slightly unsettling speed,

[00:04:13] and soon after parked his jeep at the hot springs. Remember, he started, as we left that gravel parking lot to ascend the switchbacks up into the woods. When we came here, all those years ago, to bag the summit, I do remember, I said, chuckling at an odd little detail. He chuckled, too,

[00:04:43] as if remembering the same thing. And he looked at me and said, The mind portal, right? How'd you know? Because? He said, grinning, I lied. We're not here for the summit like old times. We're here, my friend, because I'm going to show you something spectacular.

[00:05:14] I stared at him. His grin hardened. Why would we climb this one, out of all of them, again? Did you really think I'd take you all the way out here for something so strange? And then, try as I might, he would not answer questions. He would only drone on about the violence and chaos of this place's origin.

[00:05:44] It had an almost hypnotic effect, however. And as we rose higher in the hill surrounding the town, I looked down on the near snow globe and imagined all the gunfights and executions that must have happened right down there, only a lifetime ago. Only Will. Only he could drag me into something so unknown so easily. And speaking of snow,

[00:06:14] we were postholing soon enough. The sounds of the spring construction were starting to fade. Or perhaps were being drowned out by that loud silence which the snow creates when it grabs sound out of the sky. The pink and yellow alpine flowers were the first to go, once fully disappeared under the snow. Soon,

[00:06:40] even the dark and bright greens of the pines and firs and aspen trees were all fully obscured by the most fundamental whiteness. The whiteness of this snow was not a whiteness that could be replicated by anything other than a glimpse into a whole world absent of all else. A world which reduces ours to a moat. My legs grew heavy.

[00:07:09] I was out of practice. And it was strange to join Will on one of his adventures again. It had been so long since I'd seen him. I wondered if he was at all the man I once knew. It felt as though I didn't know him at all now. Then I remembered how even at the height of our closeness, I had felt just the same.

[00:07:37] Perhaps I was not one who could get to know people like him. Perhaps Will was not one who could be known by another. But I must have trusted him most profoundly. Following him into something so unknown with such little hesitation. So eager to accept our entire plan was a lie. And that his real plan was what always needed to happen.

[00:08:09] I did not speak at all on our final climb through the wind and snow to the mine's entrance. But I think I remember note for note every word Will spoke that day. And? What he was speaking as we truly found ourselves among the highest summits. The town only a disappearing dot below. I will not repeat. I fear. Were I to repeat his words.

[00:08:39] I might risk putting you under that same spell. What it was about now, though. Is his deep love for the wild. And how fundamentally he feels the connection between all things. It would be easy to dismiss his ramblings as madness.

[00:09:05] If not for how intuitively one's mind comes to believe every last detail. And Will would be quick to point out. Every indigenous culture in the world once believed some version of what he said. Before it was stolen from them. This knowledge, he would insist. Is fundamental to humanity. To life. Consciousness. Being.

[00:09:32] Only in our rebellion against what we are. Do we forget these truths. Even writing this. I start to believe again. I don't know how much time passed before we reached the entrance to the mines. I only know that the sun had passed overhead and was on its way behind the silhouetted sky cutting cranks of the ridgeline.

[00:10:02] The wooden door was barred with multiple kinds of rusted metal. And most prominently displayed were the bright red painted letters. Spaced. Spelling out. Danger. Under which was white paper bolted on. Displaying the word. Danger. Again. Repeated in a couple more languages. Followed by an exhaustive list of ways you could die in the mines.

[00:10:30] There was also a yellow paper stuck partway on below that which shouted warning. But was otherwise tattered like the splinter covered wood itself. But most prominently displayed of all. Was a gargantuan golden lock. Under the old tin roof of this entrance. Desperate to keep us out. Or perhaps I mused.

[00:10:59] Something else in. Will reached in his pocket. And produced a golden key. He grinned. Would you like to do the honor? You can go ahead. I said. Your loss princess. And with Will's swift motion. Deep nothing gaped out from the snowy mountain side.

[00:11:29] Will did not look at me. Nor beckon. He only walked intently into the mine. And I felt no choice. But to follow close behind him. I wish I could say I hesitated. But of course. I felt drawn into this now all encompassing void. I did not even notice the change before. Nothing could be seen at all.

[00:11:57] And I had only my hands to feel the way through this long, tight passage. Will must have been doing the same. But it is somehow difficult to imagine him needing to. It was this early stage. It was this early stage. But after perhaps a half hour. That he asked me. Who owns the earth? This tunnel cuts through.

[00:12:26] Who owns the deepness itself? I told him. This tunnel belongs to the company. Who built it and minded as well. But he did not like that answer. By his stomping his foot. I could tell. He said. But before the shits dug it. It already led down to hell.

[00:12:58] Unlike earlier. I was ready to challenge him. I said. But for how long we've been walking. It doesn't lead down. We've gone in a perfect straight line. Perfectly horizontal. You are correct. He replied nodding. The idea that this leads to hell specifically. Is an old misconception of the company. They had to project their monotheistic beliefs.

[00:13:28] Onto something. Fully incompatible. With everything they thought they knew. But you are indeed correct. It doesn't lead down. We've already passed out the other side of the mountain. In fact. I saw that he was right. My mind still has no room for this overtly contradicting information.

[00:13:58] There was no possible way we could still be underground. We had not descended. Nor had we turned. We were simply walking deeper into the black passage. When by now we should be walking through the sky. Why? What is this? I asked. We are walking through the sky. Will said.

[00:14:29] I'm going to turn around. I said. You are wrong. He said. It is not time for you to turn around yet. Are you bossing me around? I asked. Because it would be unusual for Will to overtly boss me around. I am not. He said.

[00:14:57] If you wanted to turn around, you could. Easy. You simply do not want to yet. But I do want to. This isn't right. The speaking part of you wants to flee. Yes. But the greater part is drawn yet deeper. Oh. I said.

[00:15:28] I did not say anything more then. Because I saw again that he was right. I looked over my shoulder once more. This time to tell myself. Not yet. And I saw that the light where we had entered the tunnel. Was already only a distant star. I faced forward then. Still walking. In pitch black does not describe what I saw.

[00:15:57] For even pitch black is something one can be said to have seen. On that day. I did not see. I suppose there is no longer any reason to withhold his words. As you could not find this cave in the sky if you killed yourself for it. Still.

[00:16:24] There was a long time of silence before he spoke next. Neither time nor silence are the right words for this. But we need to make do with what we have. Even so. Time implies a sort of linear movement along the paths of causality. Silence implies the possibility of hearing. In fact.

[00:16:54] We did not traverse time. In any usual sense. Nor space. Nor any other physical dimension. And sound. And sound. Did not exist. Possibly on a conceptual level. And the entire concept of light. Was fully encompassed. By the dwindling star far behind us. Which I had resolved to not acknowledge further.

[00:17:23] It would test me. My legs were no longer heavy. And I'm not sure I genuinely had to use them. I maintained the illusion though. But one foot in front of the other. Will said then. You know of the consciousness of trees. And of stone.

[00:17:52] And water. I do. I said. As he had spoken much of that previously. Those forms of consciousness. He said. Myriad and distinct. Are quite alien to our mode of. Self-awareness. Would you agree? How could I not? I said.

[00:18:24] He continued. Our minds are more closely related even. To those of the fair folk. And of the many things that means. And the many things beyond we don't have words for. Yes. I said. Growing uneasy. Will seemed quick in his pace.

[00:18:51] We know nothing of the elementals. Nothing of the higher modes of self-awareness. Of consciousness. And being. He paused. Then as though he hadn't paused. He said. But there are modes of consciousness. As alien to them. As they are to us. As we are to a mere virus. Which we are much more closely related to.

[00:19:20] Than we are to even the fae. How do you know any of this? I asked. Because I did not consider the possibility he could be wrong. As I said. He replied. We are here. Because I am going to show you something spectacular. I have been here before.

[00:19:52] At this point he had definitely quickened his pace. I suddenly remembered how long it had been since I had seen him. And at the pathetic rate I was walking. I should not have been able to keep up. But I was. Perhaps my physical exertion no longer mattered here. Moving so seemingly far from the physical. As I understood it.

[00:20:22] When he said. You will not miss her. Though. It changed my perception of. Everything. Who? I said. Pretending not to know. Theo. He said. In a way that showed he knew I knew.

[00:20:52] But I had never told him about you. I was struck speechless. He continued. She will miss you dearly. Of course. But. It will be fleeting. What the hell does that mean? I said. She will. Grow old and die. And when she does.

[00:21:23] We will find her. What? Her floating awareness. Where we're going. We can simply sail the seas of consciousness. And find her. She's. Going to fucking die? Of old age. Calm down. I'm never gonna see Theo again.

[00:21:53] But friend. Said Will. An elf-like smile now forming on his face. So seemingly innocent. And he spoke softly. For you. And I. Not even a night will pass. And her meaningless misery into old age. Shall be nothing. When she sees us again.

[00:22:23] Where the fuck are we going? I reached out to grab him. But my arm. Passed clean. Through his. To embark upon the seas of consciousness and dreams. Beams. Will shouted joyously. Then giggled like a child. My mind was racing. And I was shaking. And I felt tears coming.

[00:22:52] He beamed. She shall be one with us. And us. One with her. And all of us. As one with the higher minds themselves. And it shall be wondrous. I broke for it. I finally broke for it. And. Unaccountably. Of all things I could have said. Of every possible option. The thing I yelled back. As I ran away from Will. Was.

[00:23:23] I will not. Share. Her. And as I ran the whole way back. Back to where space and time are what we know. As I ran so desperately. To that tiny hopeless star. As physical sensations slowly returned. As I ran. What ran through my mind. Bizarre memories together. Of rain. And snow.

[00:23:53] Of wanting to die after work. And of. Adventuring through the woods of the world. Of having. Meaning. Having someone to share it with. Someone so willing to try to be content. As horrible and hard as that was. At last I. Stumbled out into the blinding light of the world. In all its aspens and douglas furs.

[00:24:21] And I tripped and rolled through the dirt and rocks. And sustained an injury that took. Seven. Years. To heal. Seven years. Unable. To find you. I don't think Will ever came out of that place. No I. No. You don't remember him. No one does. But I fear. Theo.

[00:24:52] I fear. When we grow old and miserable. And when we finally. Meaninglessly. Die. Then. You will remember. We both will. The hiker. The hiker who. Found me the following dawn. When the rising sun. Took up the whole eastern sky. The hiker who found me. Asked.

[00:25:23] Who has the right to treat you like this? Because my time stretched body. Was grotesque. I told her. The powers. Above. Us. By the horrors of their magic. I'm. Blessed. But she.

[00:25:52] Did not like that answer. And she beckoned my eyes to the west. She said. Please don't look at the sun sir. I think keeping your head down. Is best. See just. I thought.