"There Are FAKE PEOPLE On The Streets" | CLANCYPASTA ORIGINAL

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[00:00:57] I think there are fake people out on the streets. Written by the ClancyPasta team. And you're listening to ClancyPasta. I first saw him on a Tuesday. I was walking home, tired and irritated and hungry for dinner, taking the same route I always took.

[00:01:27] Down Chimney Street, past the laundromat. Left at the little pharmacy with a dead neon sign, then through that quiet stretch of neighborhood, down by the pines. It was nice, actually. Boring, but nice and relaxing at least, especially after work if the weather wasn't bad. There was this one tree on that street. A big old thing. It was pretty beautiful, really.

[00:01:54] He leaned slightly over the sidewalk and the roots had pushed the concrete up in one spot so you had to watch your step. I'd walked past it hundreds of times. Not sure why they never fixed the concrete there, though. Anyways, that day, there was a man standing under it. Or against it, rather. He had one shoulder pressed to the trunk. His head was tilted down. His jacket was browner.

[00:02:23] Maybe it was a dirty gray. Maybe one of those colors clothes become when they've been rained on too many times. I stared at him. At first, I thought maybe he was drunk. And I thought, no. No, he's gotta be sick. And then I thought, well, regardless, not any of my business. I'm not proud of that, but it's true.

[00:02:52] You pass people on sidewalks, and you run through a list of possibilities or options in your mind. Is this person dangerous? Is this person okay? Is this person going to ask me for money? Or is this person about to pull out a knife? Well, I was a ways away from him when he began to wobble a little. I watched as he slowly began to sway a little to the left, his shoulder leaving the bark of that tree.

[00:03:23] And then he fell. He just tipped over, slammed right into the ground without trying to break his fall at all. It made me wince a little, and I looked around for a second to see if anyone else saw what I just saw. No one. No one around at all. Not even any cars on the road that I could see. Oh, crap. I muttered to myself. In another second, I started running over.

[00:03:53] Hey, hey, man. I sat, kneeling beside him. He was face down, sort of twisted a little, one arm underneath him. I wasn't sure what the problem was, and for a moment I was almost scared to touch him. But then I sucked it up and I reached for his shoulder to roll him over, get him facing the sky. But, as I reached for him, he was gone.

[00:04:23] My fingers went through the space where his jacket should have been. I gasped and jerked my hand back like I almost touched something infected. What the, what the hell? I whispered to myself. He was there one moment, completely there, and it was like the moment my finger was supposed to touch his jacket, would have touched his jacket. He just poofed out of existence.

[00:04:50] I'd never seen anything like it before in my life. Getting my bearings a little, I looked down. The grass was flattened where his body had been. I remember that very clearly. But then, as I stared at the grass, the individual blades began to straighten out, and they lifted themselves back up. I dashed to my feet, feeling dizzy.

[00:05:19] I was too scared to say anything at all now, even to myself, and I felt like running all the way home in that moment. But then, right before I was about to, I looked to my right. I gasped again, as I tried to wrap my brain around what I was seeing. There he was. Right there. Right where he had been. Standing against that tree. Shoulder pressed into it.

[00:05:47] Leaning himself up as if he's trying not to fall. Same head tilted down. Same dirty jacket. Same hands hanging down at his sides. It was almost like he had never fallen. I felt my heart beating in my throat. Um, hey, I said again.

[00:06:18] I was acting on pure instinct then. The man didn't answer. He didn't move a muscle. I looked around. There were no cars passing. No people on their porches. No dog walkers. No one. It was one of those dead little pockets of the day where a neighborhood looks abandoned, even though you know there are people inside the houses. Watching TV. Washing dishes.

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[00:07:44] You can watch the record-breaking phenomenon at home. You're clearly working at it! Zootopia 2. Now available on Disney Plus Rated PG. I walked a few steps over and leaned down a little so I could see his face a little better. I even got right in his line of sight, but he stared past me. Not at me, but past me. His eyes were open, but they didn't seem aimed at anything.

[00:08:14] His face had that sagging, exhausted look to it. I forced myself to swallow against my dry throat. Um, sir? Nothing. Are you okay, sir? I tried again, and still... nothing. Nothing. I waved a hand in front of his face. No blink.

[00:08:46] I... should have left then. I know that. Now. I knew it then, too. Somewhere underneath everything else. But there are moments when your brain refuses to accept that something impossible has happened. It keeps trying to gather evidence, keeps trying to play the reductionist game. Like enough little details will make reality apologize and put itself back together as you think it should.

[00:09:17] I walked around him once. The back of his jacket was dirty. There were little bits of bark stuck around the shoulder where he leaned against the tree. His shoes were old black dress shoes, scuffed white at the toes. I stood in front of him again and looked around. Still no one. Still just... me and... the guy.

[00:09:46] For some reason, I just didn't feel comfortable leaving him there. I had seen him just teleport before my eyes, yes, but... he looked really screwed up. I thought about trying one more time to ask him a question. Maybe ask if he needed help or... if there was anyone I could call. I still felt like what had happened, what I had just experienced, well... well maybe it didn't happen at all.

[00:10:15] Maybe I... just had one of those... hallucinations people talk about. You know. Where things happen that... don't happen. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. I looked to the man. Without thinking, instinctively raised my arm to try and tap at his shoulder again. Hey man. I began. Is... is there anyone I could...

[00:10:47] As my finger fell to land on the shoulder of his jacket, I touched only air. And the man vanished from before my eyes. My hand fell through him or... where he just was a moment before. And as my consciousness caught up with this fact, I jerked myself backwards and let out a little yelp as I fell to the rough sidewalk behind me. What the hell? I screamed again. He was just... gone.

[00:11:17] There one moment, gone the next. No, he didn't disintegrate. He didn't implode. He just vanished into thin air right before my staring eyes. I looked around again. No one. But then, after a few moments, as I sat there, catching my breath, a car turned onto the street. It was a blue sedan

[00:11:47] with a woman driving and a kid in the back seat. And the world resumed. Suddenly, I heard someone to my right and looked to see another couple of people starting to come down the sidewalk. I realized I probably looked a little weird, sprawled out over the sidewalk, so I grabbed my bag and walked home as fast as I could without running.

[00:12:17] The next day, I left work at about 5.08. I remember because I checked the time on my phone before I walked out. I felt very, uh, alert. Maybe on edge is the better way of putting it. The tree came into view when I turned onto that quiet street. And yep, to my or, he was there.

[00:12:48] Again. Same place, same lean against the tree. He was even wearing the same dirty jacket. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I just couldn't. I had pseudo-convinced myself I'd imagined the whole thing yesterday. The guy as a whole, really, but now, there he was. Yet again, right where he was. Just as he was.

[00:13:19] I didn't go closer. I stood maybe 30 feet away and watched him. The man didn't move. Both him and I were still as statues. And then, he started to wobble, just like yesterday. And after a few shakes, he tipped over like a cow and plastered into the grass. I almost ran up to him again, but stopped myself

[00:13:48] before I moved and looked around. No one. Again. Nobody at all. Damn it! I muttered to myself and looked back to the guy. He wasn't moving, but I wondered if he would move or rather vanish were I to try and help him again. Just thinking about it sent a chill up my spine. But then I got it. I pulled the phone from my pocket and dialed 911.

[00:14:20] The dispatcher asked me what my emergency was and I said there was a man who had collapsed on the sidewalk. I gave her the street name. I gave the nearest cross street. She asked if he was breathing. I stared at the guy from far away. I don't know, I said. Can you check? I looked at him lying there, but I dare not move.

[00:14:51] Ah, I muttered. I didn't know what to say. And in another instant of instinct, I hung up the call. I'd given her all the important information. She really didn't need anything more from me anyways. And then I just stood there, waiting. I told myself I would wait until I heard sirens or at the very latest until an ambulance or fire truck turns the corner.

[00:15:21] And then I'd be off and pretend like I didn't see anything at all. But seconds passed, then minutes. Time kept passing and I looked at the time on my phone again. Good lord, it had been at least ten minutes since I'd called them. Can it really take this long for an ambulance to show up? But then I heard the sound of an engine buzzing from my left and I glanced

[00:15:50] over my shoulder. It was a long black Mercedes just turned onto the street. It was an old model. I don't know cars very well so I can't really tell you the year. Eighties, maybe? Early nineties? Well, it was a boxy, heavy-looking kind of model. The kind of car that makes you think of diplomats and funeral homes.

[00:16:20] It pulled forward and drove past me. and pulled right up to the sidewalk where the man had fallen. It stopped right beside him. I expected a door to open or something but the car just idled there and so did the fallen man and so did I. The paint was so clean on the Mercedes it reflected the houses across the street.

[00:16:50] Not clearly, though. The reflections looked stretched and dark like the houses had been drowned in a flood of ink. I glanced down a tick. There was no license plate on this car. Huh. And then the car started backing up. It didn't turn around. It just shifted gears into reverse and slowly backed up getting closer

[00:17:19] closer and closer to me. When it was right beside me it stopped again and this time the door did open. The back passenger's side door, that is. And coming out was a man. He was an older man, maybe 60, maybe even 70. It was hard to tell. He was tall, very thin.

[00:17:49] His hair was combed nearly back, silver. Dark suit, pale shirt, pulled together with a white tie. Hello, good man. He said the moment my gaze met his, still standing up out of the car. May we walk? I didn't answer him. But he seemed to take my silence as a yes.

[00:18:18] My eyes glazed past him for just a brief second right as he was closing the door. I saw past him inside of the car, right to the back of the driver's seat, but it didn't look like anyone was sitting there. The old man turned and began walking down the sidewalk, away from the tree.

[00:18:48] I realize now he had a cane as well. After two steps he looked back at me. And I caught up to him. We walked side by side for maybe half a block. The fallen man stayed behind us, right where he was, laying down by the tree. I kept wanting to look back at him, but I didn't. I couldn't

[00:19:17] take my attention away from the man. The old man seemed very serious, like he knew exactly what he was doing and like, everything was just fine. Fine neighborhood, he said, looking around. I stared at him, then looked back in the direction we walked. Quiet, he continued. You don't find quiet like this much anymore,

[00:19:47] not real quiet. mostly what people call quiet now is only waiting. Do you ever notice that? All of the waiting. I looked at him and I didn't say anything, but he smiled like I had answered. He looked away a little.

[00:20:16] The light is very pleasant today as well. a little harsh perhaps, but very pleasant. I stopped walking and after a moment he stopped and glanced back at me. Listen, I began. What's going on here? What is going on with that guy back there?

[00:20:48] The old man stared at me for a moment like he was processing my words, almost like a machine. And then he chuckled. It wasn't a big villain laugh, nothing like that. It was soft, almost embarrassed actually, like I'd made a childish joke at dinner. Not embarrassed at himself, but embarrassed for me. Very demeaning, really.

[00:21:20] His face had not changed much. That was the bad part. He still had the same polite little smile, but his eyes were a little different. Not angry exactly, but more like focused, like I'd suddenly become the center of his attention. Ask again, my good man, he said.

[00:21:50] And I'll have that tongue of yours chopped clean off. I huffed half a forced laugh through my nostrils, but kept staring at him with my nervous face. Looking at him now, he looked serious, stern, like that wasn't supposed to be a joke at all. His eyes grew a little wider,

[00:22:20] like he was studying me, making sure I understood what he'd just said. I think my eyes grew a bit wider as well, growing with the butterflies in my stomach. Then, all of a sudden, his eyes softened and the smile warmed back up a little. Now, enjoy your evening. And with those words,

[00:22:50] he turned back around and began moseying on ahead, towards the Mercedes. I just stayed where I was, for a moment or two, at least. My legs wanted to run, but instead I stayed there. After a while, I began to follow him, but from a distance and slowly. By the time I got back to the tree, the Mercedes was pulling

[00:23:20] away. I watched it glide down the street and turn the corner without signaling, like it was trying to get away pretty fast. And when my eyes glanced back ahead and to the right, the man in the grass was gone. There had been no ambulance sirens, no police. I didn't hear anyone aside from that old man. Nothing. Just

[00:23:49] the tree. Just the raised sidewalk. And just me. I stood there for a while looking from the tree to the street back again. Absolutely dumbfounded. But then I saw something. Something bright flicker in the grass below that tree. I almost just left it alone.

[00:24:19] And at this point, I certainly wish that I had. God knows I wish I had. But I didn't. I walked over and I bent down and I picked it up. This thing, it was about the size of a playing card. Maybe a little smaller. It was thin and clear, like glass, except it wasn't cold at all.

[00:24:48] In fact, it was oddly warm. Not hot, it didn't burn me, but, you know, like body temperature or something. Like it had been held in someone's hand just a moment before. there were these, uh, lines inside it. That's the only way I can describe them. Not printed on the surface, you know, but inside. Fine silver threads crossing and branching.

[00:25:19] Too delicate to be wires and too regular to be cracks. It looked a hell of a lot like a computer chip, actually. And, uh, as I looked at these lines, I realized there was what must have been writing to. Most of it was a language I did not recognize. Not symbols exactly, not letters exactly,

[00:25:48] or I don't know, maybe the better way of putting it is that it seemed like a mix of both. But at the very top were the only words on the thing that I could actually read. I brought the thing closer to my eyes, and I read the tiny English words at the top. Put this down, Jacob, and walk away.

[00:26:20] My grip loosened immediately, and the thing fell to the grass. It knew my name. It knew my name is Jacob. I felt like I could barely breathe. breathe. I looked around then, really looked, at the houses, at the windows, at the parked cars, at the empty street where the Mercedes had gone. But nothing looked back. No one was around,

[00:26:50] just me and the tree, and that thing. I walked home as fast as my legs would take me. Did you know if your windows are bare, indoor temperatures can go up 20 degrees? Turn the temperature down with Blinds.com and get up to 50% off custom window treatments like solar roller shades and more during the Memorial Day mega sale. Whether you want to DIY it or have a pro handle everything,

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[00:27:49] after a night of basically no sleep at all, I felt like absolute crap. I thought about taking the bus home that day. Thought maybe I had an excuse since I was so exhausted but ultimately I just headed out on foot. I didn't live that far so taking the bus would have just felt like an idiotic thing to do quite frankly. As I started walking

[00:28:19] the sidewalk, I braced to see that tree and God forbid if that man was still there. But, right away as I was walking home, I felt pretty relieved because I noticed that for the first time in days, I actually wasn't alone that afternoon. There was a guy walking ahead of me, maybe 40 yards ahead. I didn't know where he was headed except that he was headed the same direction I

[00:28:49] was, which was nice given the previous two days. Seeing that guy made me feel like I could breathe a little. Okay, the nightmare has passed, I thought. Maybe it was all some weird fever dream anyways. I mean, in reality, I knew that that was bullcrap, but it felt good to pat myself on the head as if it wasn't.

[00:29:20] But then I heard something, a screeching of tires to my left. I turned my head and saw something absolutely bizarre. I saw a scene like something out of Grand Theft Auto or something. This car driving beyond recklessly down the road to my left heading straight this way. Well, not straight exactly. It was swerving

[00:29:49] and jolting and hitting mailboxes and garbage cans and speeding beyond belief. It was coming fast. I felt my heart thump in my throat. And in a second it was way closer. But it was headed down a ways from me, so I knew that I was safe. But as I looked down the sidewalk, I realized that man who was walking ahead of me was right in the line of sight of that car, looking straight ahead,

[00:30:19] seemingly not aware of the car whatsoever. And not only that, but he was standing right in front of that tree. Oh, God, I would have thought if there had been time to think anything. But there wasn't. I screamed out, Hey, watch out! as fast as I could. I wanted him to see the car to flick his attention to the left and jump ahead out of the way.

[00:30:50] But instead, he froze. he turned around, not looking over his left shoulder, but looking over his right. And his eyes met mine. And in that brief moment, I saw him. It was that guy, the guy I'd seen leaning against that tree the past two days. But he was different now.

[00:31:19] There was light behind his life. He looked, well, like he had a soul. He held a face of confusion as he met my gaze, as if he was about to ask, huh? But in less than a second, it happened. If

[00:31:48] someone had taken two photographs in rapid succession from my perspective at that moment, it would have not looked any different than what I saw with my own two eyes. One moment, the man is standing there, same jacket as the days before, looking at me with that confused gaze. And the next, it was like a totally different scene. The tree was still there,

[00:32:18] but now the Mercedes was wrapped around it like an old piece of gum. a metallic splintering and splintered piece of gum. The man was nowhere to be seen, but I knew what had happened to him. An ooze of red liquid began to pour out from the bottom of where the Mercedes wrapped itself around the tree. It almost looked like the tree

[00:32:48] was bleeding. I began to scream, and unlike the previous two days, people could apparently hear me now. I heard the sound of doors opening, some movement behind and to my left, and then someone yelled, Oh my God! Someone else yelled for someone to call 911. A dog barked and barked and barked,

[00:33:18] until someone dragged it inside. died. And I just stood there. I couldn't move. I stared forward at the wreck as the sound of sirens and emergency vehicles filled the air. There are things emergency workers do because, well, they have to do them, even when everyone can see there's no point.

[00:33:49] They checked the car. They checked the remains. And they checked me because I was shaking so badly one of the paramedics thought I might be going into shock. But I told them I was fine. And ultimately, well, I guess I was. I was alive. I stared

[00:34:18] at the wreck for a while before the cops started trying to usher people out of the area. I didn't see anyone or anything resembling anyone in the car. But I noticed a few things. For one, it was a Mercedes. For another, it was black. And as I walked away,

[00:34:48] I got a look at the back of the car. There was no license plate. For years, I avoided that part of town entirely. I would walk long, long distances before walking anywhere near that street. But one night,

[00:35:17] a very long night after dinner with some friends, I just wanted nothing more than to get home as quickly as humanly possible. And, almost without thinking, I began walking towards that area. And eventually, I got onto that old sidewalk. The neighborhood looked mostly the same. Older, of course. One house,

[00:35:47] I think, had been painted blue. Well, as I looked around, I saw the tree. But then I saw her. It was a woman this time. She was standing against the tree with one shoulder pressed to the bark. She wore a dirty coat. She had a tired face.

[00:36:17] And her head was tilted down. She looked barely awake, maybe even drunk, maybe even sick. My legs began to grow shaky. I stood there with my keys in my hand. the little metal teeth digging into my palm. And then she started to fall. And without thinking,

[00:36:46] I turned around. And I ran as fast as I could back the other way. Back towards the restaurant I'd just come from. And God help me, I never looked back. back.