"Under the Garden" | ClancyPasta PRESENTS

[00:00:00] This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So, you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook.

[00:00:28] This episode is supported by FX's The Shards, a seductive drama from executive producer Ryan Murphy. Set in 1980s Los Angeles, the series follows a group of glamorous, deeply entangled high school seniors drawn into a life of wealth, beauty, parties, and excess. At its center is Brett, whose reality begins to unravel when the arrival of a new student coincides with a series of mysterious murders. FX's The Shards, now streaming on Hulu.

[00:01:01] ClancyPasta presents Under the Garden by Dead Grandpa. And you're listening to ClancyPasta.

[00:01:14] There are places in this world that carry an old magic. Places where, if you listen closely, you can hear the whispering of the world carried on the wind. Places where life in its abundance takes strange turns and grows in even stranger shapes. You can find these places if you know how to look for them. Lynn Carmichael did not.

[00:01:42] She wasn't thinking about any of that as she stood at her kitchen sink and stared worriedly out the window that overlooked her backyard. Her eye was on the unfinished bed of sunflowers dancing along the tall wooden fence at the edge of the property. She had been planting them earlier that afternoon. The work was as tedious as it was rewarding, and she liked that. She liked having something to occupy her time and something to keep her mind focused.

[00:02:11] In the years since her accident, she was confined to their solitary house on the outskirts of everything. Deep down a winding gravel road encased by dense and wiry foliage. The sun struggled to break through the brush, even at its highest, and Lynn sometimes felt like she was lost in the center of a green labyrinth.

[00:02:36] Gardening became an escape for her. She was delighted to find that she was actually good at it. Her husband, Jared, told her that she never used to have a green thumb. He said that she could kill a plant just by looking at it, in fact. He told her these things in as neutral of a tone as he could muster, which is how he always spoke of the old Lynn.

[00:03:03] The Lynn that existed before her car wrapped itself tight like a pinky promise around the trunk of an oak tree. The old Lynn's skull broke into three places, and her memories spilled out all over the ground. Jared tried to show her who she used to be, but it was all second-hand information to her. She couldn't bring that old Lynn back.

[00:03:33] Sometimes she felt he spoke of her as if she was a ghost in some old story. Like he was mourning a life that they were still living. The new Lynn spent her days alone while he was at work. She kept her healing mind busy with tomatoes, cucumbers, and squash. Pumpkins in the fall and watermelon in the summer.

[00:04:01] Their backyard was an oasis. It was like two plants sprouted for every seed she planted in the soil. It made her feel good to have her hands in the dirt. It made her feel solid, like she was a real person. Sometimes, it felt like magic. She had felt that way until the day she was planting her sunflowers along the back fence,

[00:04:30] which she thought looked so drab and lifeless between her technicolor garden and the lush green forest beyond. That was where she had been crouched. The inner lining of her floppy sun hat drenched in sweat in her hands deep in the soil.

[00:04:48] When she pulled a clump of dirt away to reveal a human bone finger, it sat in contrast to the earth that only moments before had been its tomb. In her shock, she plucked it from the ground like it was dandelion and blew on it to clear away the dust. It was a bone. She was sure of it. But a finger bone?

[00:05:17] A human finger bone? She thought so, but she wasn't quite sure. It was long and slender, and something about it just felt human. She stood quickly and walked inside, oblivious to the creaking in her knees that usually made her wince.

[00:05:41] It would only occur to her after she had rinsed it off and placed it in a coffee mug that she probably shouldn't have touched it at all. That's what they say on the detective shows anyway. Don't contaminate the scene of the crime. Hey, it's Kelly Rowland. You may not know this, but I have eczema. So I get how it can steal your time. But why let eczema take over when you can talk to your doctor about ebglis?

[00:06:10] Ebglis Lubrikizumab LBKZ, a 250 mg per 2 ml injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kg with moderate to severe eczema. Also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies, ebglis can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you are allergic to ebglis. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur.

[00:06:39] Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with ebglis. Before starting ebglis, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Paid partnership with Lilly. Respect your time. Ask your doctor about ebglis and visit ebglis.com or call 1-800-LILLY-RX or 1-800-545-5979. This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for.

[00:07:08] You sent a message and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for. From a browse to a bike ride, this summer, find more on Facebook. This episode is supported by FX's The Shards, a seductive drama from executive producer Ryan Murphy.

[00:07:36] Set in 1980s Los Angeles, the series follows a group of glamorous, deeply entangled high school seniors drawn into a life of wealth, beauty, parties, and excess. At its center is Brett, whose reality begins to unravel when the arrival of a new student coincides with a series of mysterious murders. FX's The Shards, now streaming on Hulu. Is my backyard a crime scene?

[00:08:04] She shuddered at the thought and crossed her arms over her chest like a sudden draft of cold air entered the room. She was still there at the sink when Jared came home from work. She turned to him as he opened the fridge. I found something in the garden today. Nerves crept into her voice as she grabbed the mug and carried it to him. Look at this.

[00:08:34] What is it? He said without looking at her, his eyes scanning the sparsely populated fridge for a beer he already drank the day before. It's a finger bone. That got his attention. What? Let me see. He shut the fridge door and grabbed the mug from her hand, turning it over to dump its contents into his palm. Don't touch it! She started.

[00:09:05] He scoffed. Lynn, this is a raccoon bone. She shook her head in protest. Maybe a possum bone or something. He gruffly added. It might be, but I don't think so. Look! She traced the back of her ring finger from the second knuckle to the first. Do you see the shape?

[00:09:35] How it flares on both ends? I think those are where the knuckles meet. Plus, it's not the right size to be an animal bone. He looked at her fingers as she demonstrated, and then back at the bone he was holding in his. She thought for a moment that he was considering what she was saying. Maybe. She continued.

[00:10:03] We should call the cops so they can come check it out. Just to be sure. His eyes snapped up to hers with incredulity. Jesus, Lynn. I know you sit around all day playing Mother Nature, but now all of a sudden you're a forensic pathologist? She flinched. We're not going to make the sheriff drive all the way out here to look at a raccoon bone you found in the backyard. End of story.

[00:10:35] He tossed the bone to the empty trash can in the corner. It smacked against the back of the can and slid to the bottom, capitalizing his sentence with a dull clink. I've told you before, we need to set out traps. We live in the woods, Lynn. In that garden of yours attracts all kinds of wild animals. It's only a matter of time until I go out there to find a fucking bear or something.

[00:11:01] She nodded and shrunk into herself. I don't understand why you're so upset. I'm not upset, it's just… I just… His chest heaved as he sighed. I've got more important things to worry about than the make-believe you get up to while I'm at work.

[00:11:35] His tone softened somewhat, but the traces of an edge in his voice were unmistakable. Lynn knew why. Times had been tough around the Carmichael household. Outbursts like this one were becoming more common as the belt tightened around their wallet. And it seemed that his patience for her was dwindling by the day.

[00:12:04] She wondered if he ever talked to the old Lynn like that. But she doubted it. The circumstances that brought new Lynn into existence were the reason the belt was tightening in the first place. Jared said a second mortgage was the only way he could hope to pay the medical bills they racked up in the wake of her accident.

[00:12:26] She tried to help by growing fruits and vegetables that he could sell at the farmers market in town, but even that seemed like a waste of the gas it took to haul them there. I get it. I wasn't being serious anyway. She turned away from him and went back to the sink.

[00:12:53] She turned on the faucet and mimed cleaning a plate that wasn't dirty. I picked a bunch of zucchini this morning. I was thinking maybe we could fry it up for dinner. That sounds nice, but I ate a big lunch. He said and left the room without another word. A moment later she heard the old stairs creak under his weight.

[00:13:24] He had gone to bed for the night, most likely. She stood at the sink and let the water run. Utility bill be damned because, for a moment, it allowed her to ignore the tears that were budding in the corners of her eyes. She was always gone. Always leaving? Or asleep? She was always wrong.

[00:13:53] A perpetual nuisance. She looked back out at the fence line, at her unfinished work and the mound of dirt that had birthed their newest source of contention. Was she just making it up? Playing make-believe? He was right, she decided. She was being stupid. Acting like a... Bored child.

[00:14:21] A child with brain damage, at that. She shut off the faucet and shook her hands dry, done playing pretend for the day. Storm clouds roiled in the distant sky, dark and angry. That night, she sat on the couch by herself and ate zucchini while she watched their old TV.

[00:14:50] A crooked set of bunny ears granted them a few channels, but before long she grew bored of the ones that weren't reduced to static by the oncoming storm. The distant thunder turned to rain pounding on the roof around nine o'clock. An exhaustion hit her like a rogue wave. She had a long day, even before she found the finger bone. The... Raccoon bone? Raccoon bone.

[00:15:17] She deposited her lonely dinner plate in the sink and told herself she'd wash it in the morning. Tomorrow would be a better day, she decided. She would finish planting her sunflowers, and she wouldn't find any more... bones. When she laid in bed next to her husband, though, she couldn't help but feel the pit in her stomach.

[00:15:48] She glanced at his sleeping form, just a silhouette in the dark, turned away from her even in his sleep. How long had this wound festered between them? How long had he spoken her name as if it were a condemnation? The truth was that she didn't know. She couldn't remember a time that he hadn't carried himself like a widowed man.

[00:16:16] She feared the cloud of his grief would hang over them forever. Because his mourning wasn't just for the woman he once loved, but also for the version of himself that had loved her. This was the wire that bound them together, Lynn thought. They were both ghosts, each haunted in their own way by memories they could never recover.

[00:16:42] The blooming of their love, if there had ever been one, belonged to people that were long gone. All that was left for them was a prison built for two. But something beyond their mutual misery nagged at her. How he talked to her that day and bothered her more than it normally would.

[00:17:09] And she had sensed something in him that was sharper than the quiet disdain she was used to. Had he seemed anxious? Why had he wanted her to drop the subject so badly? For the first time since she found the bone in her garden, she began to wonder who could have left it there. Her mind probed the possibility that there could be something else hidden in the dirt.

[00:17:37] That something much worse was waiting to be found. Then the roar of rainfall above her grew stronger. It took her away on a wave of sleep before she could wander any further. She is standing in a vast meadow.

[00:18:03] Someone painted a rainbow on the horizon and cut it open and let it bleed onto the ground below. It's beautiful. It is her garden. The fence is gone but her house is still behind her when she looks. It's a shadow left behind by a nuclear blast. Black soot smudged onto all this color.

[00:18:33] She hates it. She wants to tear it down but she doesn't. There is something in front of her that wants her attention. She walks forward. The tall grass and the flowers tickle her thighs and she laughs. Her voice sounds like a song here. The lady standing by the trees is smiling.

[00:18:59] She's so far away but Linny Carmichael can see she's smiling. Is she Linny? She likes that. It's what they called her when she was little. Come closer now. The lady whispers. Linny obliges. The air smells like her grandma's perfume.

[00:19:28] The one she only used for church on Sundays. Does it always feel like Sunday here? Do I ever have to leave? Linny is walking to the lady but the trees are getting closer on their own. The lady is smiling. She whispers. Don't you like it here, Linny?

[00:19:56] She grins at me from the dark like a cougar in a tree. You can stay here with me forever. Just the two of us. Under the garden. The lady isn't smiling. She just doesn't have any lips.

[00:20:21] Linny turns to run back to the house but it's right behind her like she never left it. A dozen hands slither out the back door like snake tongues and grab her up. Squeezing. Smothering. Clasping over her mouth so she can't scream as they drag her into the jaws of the house. The lady is grinning her skeleton grin.

[00:20:49] Sheets of rotten skin like old paper hang on flaps off her cheeks. Maggots dance in celebration of Linny's capture in the caverns of the lady's ruined face. The door slams shut. Bang. Lin bolted up in bed.

[00:21:16] The house rattled from the force of the thunderclap. Long and rumbling over itself. She gasped out a half sob and her heart jumped like a jackrabbit in her chest. She had never dreamed anything like that before. She tried to blink away the images in her head but it was like that horrible dead face was scorched into the back of her eyelids.

[00:21:43] The power had blinked at some point while she slept and the old air conditioning unit hadn't kicked itself back on. She was soaked with sweat down to the sheets. But Jared snored unbothered on the other side of the bed. She needed a glass of water. She needed to get out of this room.

[00:22:10] Lightning crashed through the window in flashbulb impulses, projecting the shadows of gnarled tree branches against the wall. They looked like skeletal hands reaching in to grab her. She shivered even in the humidity and quietly slipped out of bed. She tiptoed into the hall and down the stairs, careful to avoid the weak spots in the steps that would cry out to her husband.

[00:22:42] In the kitchen, she grabbed the first cup she saw and filled it to the brim with cold water from the tap. Standing in the dark, she chugged the whole thing in two massive gulps and then filled it again. Her breath came heavy and deep when she was done. And only then did she realize she was drinking from the same mug that the finger had been sitting in earlier that day.

[00:23:11] Her hands suddenly fell limp at her sides and the mug slipped from her grip. It shattered against the linoleum and the sound of the impact was like a gunshot in the quiet house. Her breath caught in her throat and she vomited the water back into the sink. The rain falling against the tin roof must have muffled the blow.

[00:23:40] Since she heard no indication that Jared had woken, she looked up to see her reflection in the darkened window. The face peering back at her was exhausted, gaunt, terrified. There was something seriously wrong here. She had known it for a long time. The upper regions of her mind just hadn't wanted to acknowledge it.

[00:24:11] The old Lynn knew. The new Lynn was sure of it. As if to punctuate this revelation, another crash of lightning erased her reflection and illuminated the garden. She saw the mound of upturned soil and her fear turned to rage. Fuck this. She needed to know.

[00:24:37] She needed her fears to be dismissed as delusions or be brought plainly into view. She needed it right then. Lynn stormed out into the night. Bare feet squelched into the mud as she crossed over rows of vegetables to reach the utility shed. She came out of it with a shovel in one hand and a flashlight in the other.

[00:25:03] She didn't stop to consider anything when she reached the edge of the yard. Her mind had gone away by then. She dropped the flashlight so it faced her work site and started digging. Rain bled through her sleep shirt and mud caked the bottom of her pant legs.

[00:25:27] The ground was slick with it and she nearly fell over on her ass more than once. The back end of the shovel blade cut into her foot as she drove it down to the earth but… She felt nothing. She wasn't digging for long before she struck something solid. Feverishly, she threw the shovel aside and dropped to her knees at the edge of the hole.

[00:25:55] Her hands ripped at the mud that was already streaming back in, like the garden was desperate to keep it secret from her. She gasped when she uncovered the blue tarp and sat up on her haunches to pull it out of the opening she had created. The tarp slid with some resistance but its contents were not heavy and Lynn lost her footing when it gave way.

[00:26:23] She fell flat on her back with the tarp pulled up to her chest and a desiccated arm flopped out from under the canvas. It smacked her squarely in the face. She screamed and threw the tarp off of her. It rolled itself out, almost like the carpet in an awards show, she thought, beckoning her to come closer.

[00:26:52] Come closer now. She sat up slowly, wide eyes locked onto the feeble bag of bones in front of her. Don't you like it here, Linny? Linny crouched over the body. Shriveled, papery skin held the jigsaw puzzle of bones and long decayed flesh together.

[00:27:20] Its ring finger had been severed at the first knuckle. You can stay here with me. Forever. Her eyes slowly traveled up the corpse like she was in a trance. The skin that was left on its face melted away in the rain.

[00:27:45] This was the smiling lady from her dream, but there was something else she couldn't comprehend. She knew this woman. Something loomed over her too large to be seen in its entirety, without taking away the last of her sanity. She looked into the dead woman's vacant eye socket and saw the worms arriving where her brain should be.

[00:28:14] She heard the whispering of the war on just the two of us under the garden. Linny Carmichael and just dug up her own corpse. It was a concept so completely alien to her that she felt nothing at all about it.

[00:28:44] Maybe she wasn't capable of grasping it. Maybe no one ever could. She sat there in her garden and felt the rain wash away the dirt that caked her hands. She clasped the dead Lin's hand in her own. She didn't hear the back door open or the footsteps squelching in the mud behind her.

[00:29:11] She never turned to see Jared before he slammed the shovel down into the side of her head. And she didn't feel it when he brought it down again and again. It stopped raining before he was done. The shovel blade buried down to the socket in what was left of Linny's skull. Brain matter and droplets of blood were flung in every direction.

[00:29:40] Linny's summer squash was covered in polka dots of her viscera. He stood watching her body for a moment. To be sure she wasn't... Twitching anymore. And then he went to the shed and came back with her favorite pair of pruning shears. He clipped her ring finger off. And removed the blood splattered wedding ring from the severed digit with mechanical efficiency.

[00:30:09] The night was still after that. Broken only by a chorus of frogs singing in the forest. There are places in this world that carry an old magic. Places where if you listen closely, you can hear the whispering of the world carried on the wind.

[00:30:39] Places where life in its abundance takes strange turns and grows in even stranger shapes. You can find these places if you know how to look for them. Jared Carmichael didn't know. And he didn't care. He didn't need to know why everything planted on this land grew beyond what he thought possible.

[00:31:04] And he didn't need to understand its ability to blur the line between life and death. He just knew that that was how it was. He could live with that. It had been two days since he buried his wife's body in her garden again. He stood at his kitchen sink and watched as the sun rose in the east.

[00:31:34] He could see the ground slowly shift as a bare shoulder started to poke its way up through the dirt. Then a shock of curly black hair. By noon she had fully sprouted and laid there in the fetal position. He went out then and helped her to her feet. She moved the way a newborn fawn does.

[00:32:04] Stiff-limbed and uncertain of her trajectory. Her eyes were dim and listless, understanding nothing. She was filthy so he let her inside and tenderly washed her clean. Clumps of grass and skittering bugs fell away in the flow of dirty water. And she walked on stronger legs when he guided her to the living room.

[00:32:31] He sat her on the couch with a blanket over her shoulders and caressed her cheek. She smiled and he could tell that her mind was sharper then. Her eyes probed the room with curious intent. He told himself it would be different this time. Lynn? Can you hear me?

[00:32:59] My name is Jared. I'm your husband. He spoke softly, crouching down to take hold of her hands. A hint of understanding crossed her face. He dropped one knee to the ground and pulled the wedding band from his pocket. There was an accident but... Everything is okay now. You're home, Lynn.

[00:33:29] It's just the two of us here. He slid the ring onto her finger. Look what TJ Maxx dragged in. The Devil Wears Prada 2 is now streaming on Disney Plus and Hulu. We are digital. We are downloadable. We are streamable. The fashion event of the year is certified fresh. Pull yourself together. We have work to do.

[00:33:59] Critics say it's smart and witty. And the perfect sequel. That's all. Get runway ready for the Devil Wears Prada 2 on Disney Plus and Hulu. Rated PG-13. In the U.S., there's a break-in every 26 seconds. But when intruders step near, SimpliSafe Home Security steps up. This is SimpliSafe. Police are on the way. Using AI alerts, U.S.-based live agents help deter break-ins. SimpliSafe. No long-term contracts.

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